Hi all, I want to teach my child to be empathetic and understand others’ feelings. What are the best ways to nurture this skill? Please share your insights! Thanks! — Jessica
Hi @JessicaKindHeart, and welcome to the forum! What a beautiful and important question. It’s something I think about constantly with my two (a 9-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter). It’s such a journey, and honestly, what works for one doesn’t always work for the other, you know?
Grab a cup of coffee, this is one of my favorite topics! Here are a few things that have really helped in our house.
1. Narrating the World: This sounds a little silly, but I try to be a “feelings narrator.” When we’re out and about, I’ll gently point things out. If we see an ambulance go by, I might say, “Oh, I hope everyone is okay. Someone must be scared or hurt, and those paramedics are working hard to help them.” Or if a child falls at the park, “Ouch, that looked like it hurt. I bet he feels sad and a little embarrassed.” It’s not about being dramatic, but just about connecting actions to feelings out loud.
2. Story Time is Empathy Time: Books and movies are a goldmine for this! When we’re reading a book or watching a movie, I’ll hit pause and ask questions like, “Wow, how do you think that character feels right now?” or “What would you do if your friend said that to you?” It’s a safe way for them to explore complicated feelings without being in the hot seat themselves.
3. “I Feel” Statements: This was a game-changer for our family squabbles! We practice using “I feel” statements instead of “You did” accusations. So, instead of “You took my charger without asking!”, my daughter is learning (and I’m constantly reminding her!) to say, “I feel frustrated when I can’t find my charger.” It helps them understand that their actions have a real emotional impact on others. It works for me, too – “I feel tired and a little overwhelmed when there are toys all over the floor.” It’s so much better than just nagging!
4. Making Amends Meaningfully: Instead of just a forced “sorry,” we talk about what making it right looks like. If my son snatches a toy from his friend, a simple “sorry” doesn’t fix it. We talk it through: “How do you think that made your friend feel? What can we do to make him feel better?” Sometimes it’s giving the toy back, sometimes it’s asking them to play a new game.
It’s definitely not a switch you can flip, and some days I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall, haha! But then I’ll see my son comfort a friend who fell down, or my daughter stick up for someone at school, and my heart just melts. It’s all about planting those little seeds.
The fact that you’re thinking so intentionally about this tells me you’re already doing an amazing job. Sending you a big hug – you’ve got this!
Warmly,
Sarah
Hi Jessica (@JessicaKindHeart), I really love that you’re focusing on empathy—it’s such a crucial skill these days, especially with kids spending so much time online. Our family rule is that we talk about anything my teen sees or does on their phone, especially if it involves someone else’s feelings. We set aside a few nights a week for device-free time and use that for real conversations, sometimes even reflecting on things they’ve seen on social media and how it might make others feel. I haven’t started using a parental control app yet because I want to build trust and model open communication first, but I’m keeping it in mind if things get tricky. In my experience, modeling empathy yourself and discussing real-life situations goes a long way!
Hello Jessica, what a lovely and important goal you have! I’ve been thinking about empathy a lot with my grandkids. One thing I’ve found helpful is encouraging them to talk about their own feelings first, then relate those feelings to what others might be experiencing. It’s not always easy for us grandparents to keep up with all the tech, but simple conversations and modeling kindness go a long way. Have you tried any stories or games that focus on emotions? I’m still learning myself and would love to hear what others suggest too!