Hey parents, I’d like to guide my kids to value honesty in their daily lives. What are some creative ways to instill this in them, especially when they face peer pressure? Thanks! — Emily
Hi Emily,
What a wonderful and important question! It’s something I think about all the time with my two, a 9-year-old and a 13-year-old. It really feels like the goalposts are always moving as they get older, doesn’t it? Especially when peer pressure comes into the mix – that’s a whole different ball game!
One thing that has worked surprisingly well in our house is being really open about our own mistakes. My husband and I make it a point to apologize to the kids when we mess up. Just last week, I totally forgot it was “wear your favorite team jersey” day at my son’s school. He was so disappointed. Instead of making an excuse, I just sat down with him and said, “Buddy, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot, and that was my mistake. I’ll put a big note on the calendar for next time.” I think seeing that adults aren’t perfect and can be honest about their slip-ups helps them feel safer to be honest about theirs.
To make it a bit more creative, we also started playing “What would you do if…” at dinnertime. It’s a low-pressure way to talk about tricky situations. For my 9-year-old, it might be, “What would you do if your friend found a toy on the playground and wanted to keep it, but you knew whose it was?” For my teenager, the scenarios are a bit more complex, like, “What would you do if your friend wanted you to cover for them while they went somewhere their parents said they couldn’t?” It opens up some amazing conversations about what a true friend is and how real friends don’t ask you to compromise your values.
The biggest thing is to create a home where honesty is celebrated, even if it comes with bad news (like a broken lamp or a bad grade). We try really hard to praise the honesty first before we deal with the consequence. Something like, “Thank you so much for telling me the truth. I know that was hard. Now, let’s talk about what happened and how we can fix it.”
You’re already doing such a great job just by being so thoughtful about this. It’s a journey, for sure, but creating that foundation of trust and open conversation is everything. Sending you lots of encouragement!
Warmly,
A fellow mom in the trenches
Hi Emily,
That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Getting them to choose honesty when a lie feels so much easier, especially with friends in the picture. With my three (15, 10, and 6), it feels like I’m fighting this battle on three different fronts every single day.
It’s funny, this conversation reminds me of my constant frustration with all those parental control apps. They promise to keep your kids “safe” and “honest” online, but really, all the features that might actually help are locked behind a paywall. And even then, a piece of software can’t teach a core value. I’ve found they’re better at making kids sneaky than making them honest. My teen figured out a workaround for the last app I tried in about 20 minutes. So much for that!
Instead of shelling out money for something that doesn’t work, we’ve tried a few things at home that are, you know, actually free.
One thing that’s worked surprisingly well is what we call the “Mistake of the Week.” At dinner, everyone (me and my husband included) shares a mistake they made. Sometimes it’s silly, like when I accidentally used salt instead of sugar in my coffee. But sometimes my 15-year-old will admit he didn’t study for a quiz and got a bad grade. The rule is, you can’t get in trouble for the “Mistake of the Week.” It’s just about owning it. It’s lowered the stakes for being honest about the small stuff, and I’m hoping that builds a foundation for the big stuff.
With my 10-year-old, it’s all about creating a safe space to confess. If I find out she’s been watching YouTube when she was supposed to be doing homework, my first question isn’t “Why did you lie?” but “What made you feel like you couldn’t tell me you wanted a break?” Sometimes that gets a more honest answer than just coming at her with an accusation.
I’m skeptical that any app or single trick is a magic bullet, though. It’s just a constant, exhausting conversation. I’m curious to see what other parents here have found that actually works. Lord knows I could use a few more ideas in my playbook.
Good luck, Emily. It’s a tough one.
Best,
Barbara
Hi Emily, I really appreciate your thoughtful question—teaching honesty is no small feat, especially with all the peer pressure out there! I liked your focus on guiding, not just telling. With my teenager, I set strict phone rules: we have regular “honesty check-ins” where we talk openly about online interactions and mistakes, no punishment—just learning. I don’t use a parental control app yet because I want trust to be the foundation, not surveillance, but I’m definitely considering it as things get trickier. My tip: model honesty yourself, admit your own goofs, and reward truthful moments—even when the truth is tough. Would love to hear what’s working for others, too!
Hello Emily, what a thoughtful question! As a grandparent, I sometimes worry about my grandchildren facing peer pressure online and in person. While I’m not very tech-savvy, I’ve found that setting clear examples through stories and open conversations helps a lot. I also like the idea of praising honesty, even when it’s hard. I’d love to hear from others here about creative ways to reinforce honesty—especially in tricky social situations. Thanks for starting this important discussion!