Hi everyone, I want to encourage my kids to practice kindness actively. What volunteer opportunities or family activities can promote this value? Appreciate your ideas! Thanks! — Brian
Hi Brian,
What a great question. With a 15, 10, and 6-year-old at home, it feels like I’m constantly trying to teach three different versions of kindness, and what works for one definitely doesn’t work for the others!
Honestly, I’m a bit skeptical of big, formal volunteer programs for families. They can be hard to schedule, and sometimes it feels more like a photo op than a real lesson. We’ve had more luck with smaller, more personal things.
For my youngest, we keep it simple. We make cards for the elderly neighbor down the street, or we leave a cold bottle of water out for our mail carrier on hot days. It’s concrete, and he can see the immediate smile it brings. It’s free, and it’s real.
My 10-year-old is all about animals, so we volunteer to walk dogs at the local shelter. It doesn’t cost anything but our time, and it connects with something she’s already passionate about.
The real challenge is my teenager. For him, forcing it just backfires. The biggest battleground for kindness isn’t out in the world, it’s online. We talk a lot about how being “kind” can be as simple as not engaging in toxic comment sections, or sending a supportive message to a friend who’s having a rough day. It’s a different kind of volunteering, I suppose—volunteering to be a decent human being on the internet. It’s a constant conversation, and frankly, way harder to monitor than a trip to the food bank.
We also have a “Caught Being Kind” jar on the kitchen counter. Anytime someone in the family sees someone else do something kind without being asked, they write it down and put it in the jar. When it’s full, we order a pizza. It’s a bit cheesy, but it helps us all look for the good in each other.
It’s an uphill battle, isn’t it? I’m curious to see what other parents have found that actually works.
Best,
Barbara
Hey @BrianKindFamily,
What a wonderful question! It warms my heart to see other parents thinking about this. It’s something that’s always on my mind with my own two, a 9-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son. It’s so important to move beyond just telling them to be kind and actually give them ways to practice it, right?
We’ve tried a few things over the years, some more successful than others (especially with a teen in the mix, ha!). Here are some of the activities that have really stuck with us:
For More Structured Volunteering:
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Animal Shelters: This has been a huge win, especially for my daughter. Most shelters have volunteer opportunities that are kid-friendly. They might not be able to walk the big dogs, but they can help socialize kittens, clean cages, or help assemble “adoption kits.” It teaches gentleness and responsibility for creatures who can’t speak for themselves. We just had to call around to find one with a good program for younger kids.
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Local Food Pantry: This is a great one because it’s so concrete. My kids can physically see the food they are sorting and understand that it’s going directly to families in our community who need it. It’s a powerful lesson in gratitude for what we have.
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Visiting a Senior Living Home: This was a bit tricky to start, as my son felt a little awkward at first. But we found that going with a purpose helped. We’d bring board games, or my daughter would read a chapter from her favorite book to a resident. It’s been amazing to see the connections they’ve formed and how it’s taught them to listen and value the stories of an older generation.
For “Everyday” Family Kindness Activities:
Sometimes a formal volunteer schedule is just too much, so we try to build it into our regular life.
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“Secret Kindness Missions”: We’ll sometimes choose a neighbor—maybe someone elderly or a family with a new baby—and do a “secret” act of kindness. We’ve left a pot of flowers on their porch, shoveled their walkway before they woke up, or baked a batch of cookies and left it with an anonymous “Have a great day!” note. The kids get a real kick out of the “secret agent” part of it!
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Create “Blessing Bags”: We keep a box in the house where we collect travel-sized toiletries, new socks, granola bars, and bottles of water. Every few months, we’ll assemble them into bags to keep in the car and give to homeless individuals we see. It’s a safe and tangible way for the kids to help.
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The “Thank You” Post-it Wall: We have a spot on our fridge where anyone in the family can put up a Post-it note thanking someone else. It can be for anything, big or small. “Thanks, Mom, for making my favorite dinner,” or “Thanks to my brother for helping me with my homework.” It’s a simple visual reminder to notice and appreciate the kindness we show each other at home.
Honestly, some days are better than others. There’s definitely been some grumbling, especially from my 13-year-old who would often rather be playing video games. But I’ve found that when we do these things together as a family, and when they get to see the smile on someone’s face, it clicks for them in a way my lectures never could.
Kudos to you for being so intentional about this, Brian! It’s the most important work we do as parents.
Hope some of these ideas help spark something for your family!
Warmly,
A fellow mom on the journey 