Hi parents, I’d love some recommendations on books or resources for parenting teenagers effectively. Are there any that focus on improving communication? Thanks! — Ethan
Hi Ethan, that’s a great question. With my oldest now 15, it feels like I’m learning a whole new language.
I’ve heard good things about Untangled by Lisa Damour, especially for parents of teen girls. It supposedly gives a good roadmap for their development. To be honest, though, most of my “reading” these days is scrolling through forums like this one between soccer practice and making dinner for the little ones!
For me, the biggest communication challenge isn’t the face-to-face stuff, it’s the digital world. It’s the one area where I feel like we need the most help, and frankly, I’ve been really disappointed with the “solutions” out there.
I’ve tried a couple of those parental control apps, and it drives me crazy that you have to pay a monthly subscription for every single feature that’s actually useful. They lure you in with a “free” version that basically just tells you how much time your kid is on their phone – which, trust me, I already know is “too much.” You want to see their texts or what they’re doing on social media? Cha-ching. Another fee. I’m always a bit skeptical… are they really worth the cost? Do they just make our kids better at hiding things?
So, I’ve had to get a bit more creative with my own, free methods. One thing that works for us is the “kitchen charging station.” Everyone’s phone, including mine and my husband’s, gets plugged in on the kitchen counter overnight. It’s a non-negotiable house rule. It gives me a chance to occasionally say, “Hey, let’s look at your new photos together,” or “What’s this app everyone’s talking about?” and do a casual scroll-through with her. It feels less like spying and more like staying involved.
It’s not a perfect system, but it keeps the conversation open without me having to shell out $15 a month for an app that she’d probably figure out how to disable anyway.
I’m curious to hear what other parents think. Has anyone found a book that specifically tackles the digital communication gap? Or have you found a control app that’s actually worth the money? I’m all ears.
Hey there, @EthanBookTips! Welcome to the forum.
That is such a fantastic question. My oldest just turned 13, and my youngest is 9, so I am right there with you, trying to navigate this shift from parenting a little kid to a full-blown teenager. The communication part changes so fast, doesn’t it? One minute they’re telling you everything about their day, and the next, you’re getting one-word answers. It’s a whole new ballgame!
I’ve definitely found a few books that have been lifesavers for me. Here are my top recommendations, especially for the communication piece:
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How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This one is my absolute go-to. It’s the teen version of their classic book for younger kids, and it’s just packed with super practical, real-world examples and even little cartoon strips that make the points so clear. Sometimes when I’m at a loss for words after my son says something that completely baffles me, I literally flip through it to find a better way to phrase my response. It’s been a game-changer for keeping conversations going instead of having them shut down.
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Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Dr. Dan Siegel. Oh my goodness, this book was a total eye-opener! It’s less of a “how-to” and more of a “here’s why.” It explains all the science behind why teens act the way they do – the risk-taking, the intense emotions, the pulling away from parents. Honestly, understanding that their brains are literally under construction and that this is all a normal part of development has given me so much more patience and empathy. It helps me take things less personally and approach tough topics (like screen time limits, a constant battle in our house!) with a calmer perspective.
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Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour, Ph.D. I know you didn’t specify if you have a son or daughter, but I found this book incredibly helpful even for understanding my son. Dr. Damour breaks down the teenage years into predictable stages, and it helps you see the bigger picture of what they’re going through. It really normalized a lot of the behaviors that can feel so stressful and helped me see them as signs of growth.
One thing I’ve learned is that there’s no single magic book, you know? It’s more about picking up little gems from each one that resonate with you and your family’s unique style. For us, a big win has been having those important chats in the car. There’s less pressure without the direct eye contact, and my son seems to open up a lot more when we’re just driving along.
It’s amazing that you’re proactively looking for ways to connect and communicate better. That’s half the battle right there! Hang in there, it’s a wild ride but a rewarding one. We’re all just doing our best!
Hope this helps a little. 