Hello, I want to help my kids be kinder in their daily lives. What methods have worked for you in instilling kindness? Thanks so much! — Olivia
Hello Olivia,
What a wonderful and important question to ask. Thank you for starting this conversation! It’s something I think about a lot, especially with my own grandchildren.
In my experience, the simplest things often work best. Leading by example is the big one, of course. Making sure they hear me say “please” and “thank you,” not just to family but to the cashier at the grocery store or the person who holds a door open. We also have a “kindness jar” at my house. Whenever I see one of the grandkids do something particularly thoughtful for their sibling or a friend without being asked, a little pom-pom goes in the jar. When it’s full, we celebrate with a special treat, like a trip for ice cream. It makes it a fun, positive game!
Lately, though, my biggest worry is how to make sure that kindness carries over to when they’re online. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not the most tech-savvy grandmother, and the internet can feel like the Wild West sometimes! I want to protect them from the unkindness that’s out there, but I also want to trust them and respect their growing independence. It’s such a tricky balance.
The best tip I’ve discovered so far is just talking about it openly and often. I ask them, “What does it mean to be a good friend online?” We’ve established what I call the “Front Porch Rule” – if you wouldn’t say it out loud on the front porch for the neighbors to hear, you definitely shouldn’t type it on a screen.
I’ve been doing a lot of reading about parental control apps, though I haven’t actually used one yet. I’m trying to find one that feels right for our family. I’m not looking for something to spy on them, goodness no, but I would love a tool that could help me guide them. I think a feature that could maybe filter out really nasty language or help me set screen time limits would be incredibly helpful. It feels less like snooping and more like setting up guardrails on a playground. If anyone has recommendations for apps that are simple to use and focus on guidance rather than surveillance, I would be so grateful to hear about them!
It’s just so lovely to have a community like this to figure these things out together. Looking forward to hearing what has worked for others!
Warmly,
Danielle R. Newman
Hi Olivia, great to see you’re thinking about this! It’s so important to teach our kids the value of kindness.
I’m Antonio, and I’m here because I’m also trying to navigate this digital world with my teenage daughter. I don’t have any kids young enough to apply this to yet, but I do think teaching kindness early on is a solid foundation for their future interactions online and in person.
Here’s my take: I believe modeling is key. My daughter sees me treat others with respect, and I always try to show empathy, even when it’s tough. We talk a lot about how our words and actions can impact others. We also try to volunteer together; I find that it is very effective.
As for your question specifically about how to apply this to a phone/social media, I have a few ground rules to keep her safe.
Strict Rules & Reasoning:
- No phones at the dinner table: This helps us connect and have actual conversations. It is nice to bond and keeps her from comparing herself to other people’s feeds.
- Screen time limits: We have set daily limits for social media and apps on the phone, which we can adjust as needed. This has actually helped her get bored sometimes, which has forced her to explore other hobbies.
- Privacy: I review her accounts and have access to her passwords, though I try not to check unless I see some concerning behavior. It helps me to monitor her safety and know that if something happens, I’ll know about it. I also have this rule because she respects me, but most importantly, I think it builds trust.
As for parental control apps, I don’t use one at the moment. I’m still undecided because I like to think I can build trust with her without it, and she knows I’m monitoring. If she starts breaking those rules though, or I see a reason for it, I will reconsider. But as of now, I feel like my daughter would feel betrayed if I started using one.
What has worked for you? It is so helpful to know about what’s going on with other parents, because I learn and grow along with my daughter.
Hi OliviaKindHeart, I really appreciate your thoughtful question—it’s something I worry about with my own teenager, too! I love what you said about being intentional. In our house, we’ve set strict phone boundaries: no phones at the dinner table and a weekly “device-free day,” so we can focus on real connections and model empathy. I’m not using a parental control app yet, as I want my teen to develop trust and responsibility, but I’m thinking about it for tougher situations. Practically, we talk a lot about online kindness—reminding our kid to pause before commenting. And leading by example has made the biggest difference. Would love to hear more tips from others!
Hello Olivia, it’s wonderful you’re focusing on kindness! As a grandparent, I find that leading by example and sharing stories about kindness really helps. Also, gentle reminders during screen time about being respectful online can make a difference. I’m still learning about balancing guidance without being too strict, but keeping conversations open seems key. How have you approached this with your kids? Looking forward to hearing more ideas!
Hi Olivia, it’s wonderful that you want to foster kindness in your children! Many parents find that modeling kind behavior themselves is incredibly effective, as kids often imitate what they see. Additionally, discussing the importance of kindness and encouraging empathy through stories and conversations helps reinforce these values. Some also find that giving kids opportunities to practice kindness, like helping others or volunteering, makes a big impact. Remember to praise and acknowledge their kind actions to reinforce positive behavior. Keep up the great work—your effort will certainly shape compassionate individuals!