Hey everyone, I’m Ryan. My kids tend to keep things to themselves, and I want to create an environment where they feel safe sharing. How can I help them open up more? Advice from experienced parents is welcome! — Ryan
Hey Ryan, welcome to the forum! I totally get where you’re coming from. I’ve been using technology to stay connected with my kids, especially since I travel a lot for work. For over three years, I’ve used mSpy with my 14-year-old son Steven, and just recently set it up for my 9-year-old Alex, who just got his first cellphone.
One thing that really helped us was being upfront about why I’m using monitoring tools—not as a way to spy, but to keep them safe and stay connected when I’m away. That openness helped build trust, and they started sharing more naturally. Also, I make sure to balance monitoring with respecting their privacy, so I don’t check everything constantly but set up alerts for anything concerning.
Creating a safe space for your kids to open up is about consistent, non-judgmental communication. Maybe start with casual chats about their day or interests, and let them know you’re always there to listen. Technology can help bridge the gap, but the heart of it is making them feel heard and supported.
Hope this helps, and feel free to ask if you want tips on setting up tools or managing online safety while traveling!
Hi Ryan, welcome to the forum! I really relate to what you’re saying. I have three kids (15, 10, and 6) and honestly, it can feel like prying secrets from a locked vault some days. I think a lot of us struggle with this, so you’re definitely not alone.
One thing I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way!) is that kids are much more likely to open up when they don’t feel interrogated. I used to pepper my oldest with questions after school (“How was your day? Who did you sit with at lunch? Did anything weird happen?”), and all I got was one-word answers. Now, I try to just hang out with them—like cooking together or going for a walk—so the conversation can flow more naturally. Sometimes they open up when they don’t feel like I’m waiting for a “big reveal.”
I’ve also noticed that when I share little bits about my own day (even the silly or crappy parts), it sort of sets the tone that it’s okay to talk about feelings and experiences. My 10-year-old especially seems to appreciate when I admit I’ve had a rough day or made a mistake.
And—just to tie this into something I talk about a lot—if you’re using parental control apps to keep an eye on their online activity, be careful not to make them feel like you’re spying. I’ve found that being open about why I care about their safety online helps them trust me more, rather than clamming up. (And honestly, I’m so tired of all these apps making you pay for the “good” features anyway!)
Would love to hear what other parents have tried too! Anyone have strategies that actually worked for their more private kiddos?
Hey Ryan, welcome to the forum! Oh, honey, that’s such a common worry for us parents, isn’t it? Wanting our kids to feel they can tell us anything. My two, a 9-year-old boy and a 13-year-old girl, can be like little clams sometimes, especially my teen!
It’s definitely a journey, and what works one day might not the next, you know? For us, a few things have helped. Making sure we have dedicated “no-distraction” time, even if it’s just 15 minutes before bed or while driving to soccer practice, can be golden. Sometimes just being present without pushing them to talk creates the space they need. Asking open-ended questions instead of “yes/no” ones helps too – like “What was the most interesting thing that happened today?” instead of “Did you have a good day?”
It’s also about them knowing they won’t be judged or immediately jumped on if they do share something tricky. That’s a tough one to practice, especially when your mama bear instincts kick in!
And honestly, sometimes understanding their world a bit better, especially their online world, can give you little clues or conversation starters. I’m not a tech whiz by any stretch, just a mom trying to keep up! I’ve tried a fair few parental control apps over the years, and the one that’s really clicked for our family is mSpy. It’s not just about blocking stuff, but more about getting a gentle insight into what they’re up to, what they’re interested in, or if something might be bothering them online. Sometimes seeing what apps they’re using or what they’re searching for can give me a little nudge to ask, “Hey, I noticed you’re interested in , tell me about it!” It can open doors in a less direct way, which my teen especially appreciates. It helps me feel like I can be there for them even when they’re not directly talking to me, if that makes sense? It gives me peace of mind, and I think when I’m less anxious, they pick up on that and feel more relaxed too.
Hang in there, Ryan! It sounds like you’re already doing a great job by even asking this question and wanting to build that safe space. It takes time and patience, but they’ll get there. Keep being that open, listening ear for them. You’ve got this!
Warmly,
A fellow mom on the journey 
Hi RyanListen_44, and hello to everyone in this discussion!
My name is Danielle, and I’m a grandmother to two wonderful (and very active online!) grandkids. Your question about helping kids open up really resonates with me, Ryan. It’s something I think about a lot, especially with all the complexities of the internet these days. I’m always trying to strike that balance between wanting to protect them fiercely and also wanting them to feel independent and trusted. It’s a tricky line to walk, isn’t it?
This is such a vital topic, Ryan, and I’ve been learning so much from these kinds of conversations. Creating that safe space for them to share is on so many of our minds, and it’s doubly important when we think about their online lives. If they feel they can talk to us about anything, hopefully, that includes anything worrying they might encounter on their screens.
I’ll be honest, I’m not the most tech-savvy person out there – sometimes it feels like the kids are speaking a different language with all their apps and games! But I’m really trying my best to learn. My biggest worry is making sure they’re safe from things like inappropriate content or unkind people online, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m spying on them.
Right now, I’m in the thick of researching parental control apps. I haven’t actually used one yet, as I’m trying to find one that feels right for our family. Do you, or does anyone else here, have any recommendations? I’m looking for something that’s fairly straightforward to use (for a grandma like me!). Ideally, it would help me get a sense of what they’re up to online without being too invasive, maybe help set some healthy time limits, and perhaps filter out the really unsuitable stuff. I worry a bit about over-blocking, though, and them missing out on good things. It’s all a bit of a maze!
In terms of helping them open up generally, which I think is the foundation for online safety talks too, I’ve picked up a few non-technical ideas that seem to help:
- Little and often: Instead of big, serious talks, I try for small, casual chats. Asking about their favorite new game or what funny video they saw can sometimes open the door to deeper conversations.
- Be a fellow learner: Sometimes I ask my grandkids to show me how a game works or explain a new app. It makes them the expert, and it’s a nice way to connect and understand their world a bit better. Plus, it gives me a peek into what they’re doing!
- No-judgment zone: This is a big one for me. I try very hard to listen without immediately jumping in with lectures, especially if they share something a bit iffy. If they feel they’ll be met with understanding rather than trouble, they’re more likely to come to us when something serious happens online.
- Family rules, together: Maybe involving them in setting some simple family rules around screen time or what sites are okay could make them feel more respected and part of the decision-making. We haven’t tried this much beyond “no phones at the dinner table,” but it’s a thought! I’ve also been looking into the built-in settings on their devices – apparently, there are some basic controls there too, which might be a good first step for someone like me.
It’s a journey, for sure, and it sounds like we’re all trying to find our way. Thanks for asking such an important question, Ryan! I’m eager to hear what others have found helpful too.
Warmly,
Danielle R. Newman