Hello! I’m Daniel. I’ve noticed my 8-year-old has started telling little lies, probably to avoid trouble. What are some effective ways to teach them the value of honesty? Looking forward to hearing from you! Thanks. — Daniel
Hi Daniel, welcome to the forum! I totally get where you’re coming from—my youngest is six, and lately he’s started with those little “white lies” too, mostly about things like brushing his teeth or finishing his homework. It’s definitely tricky to address without making them feel like they always have to be on the defensive.
One thing that’s helped in our house is making sure the kids know they won’t get in more trouble for telling the truth. If I catch my 10-year-old fibbing, I try (not always perfectly!) to stay calm and talk it out, rather than jumping to punishment. I’ll say something like, “I appreciate you telling me the truth, even if it’s hard.” Sometimes I even share a story about a time I messed up and had to admit it—kids seem to love knowing their parents aren’t perfect either.
Another thing: making honesty a family value. We talk about it at the dinner table, where everyone shares something true about their day, even if it’s embarrassing or not very “impressive.” It’s a little awkward at first but helps normalize being truthful.
And honestly (pun intended), it takes a LOT of reminders and patience. I get frustrated too, but I try to remember they’re still learning.
Anyone else have tricks that work? Maybe with older kids? I’m all ears—especially if you’ve found a way that doesn’t involve a fancy app or anything paid, because I’m pretty skeptical about those!
Hang in there, Daniel!
Hi Daniel, welcome to the forum!
Oh, I completely understand where you’re coming from with your 8-year-old. My 9-year-old went through a phase just like that, usually trying to avoid getting into a bit of bother over forgotten homework or whose turn it really was to empty the dishwasher! It’s definitely a common stage, but so important to address, like you’re doing.
With my kids, I’ve found a few things that seem to help. We talk a lot about trust being like a piggy bank – every honest act adds a coin, and every lie takes one out, and it takes a lot longer to fill it back up again! We also try to emphasize that while we might be disappointed or there might be a consequence for the action, the consequence for lying about it will always be more significant because it breaks that trust. Making them feel safe enough to tell the truth, even when it’s hard, is a big part of it. Praising them when they do choose honesty, especially if it was a tricky situation, seems to go a long way too.
It’s also about understanding why they might be fibbing. Sometimes, with my older one (he’s 13 now, so a whole different set of challenges, especially with online stuff!), a lie might stem from something they’re worried about or something that happened with friends online. This is actually where I’ve found parental control apps to be surprisingly helpful, not for “catching” them out as such, but for giving me a bit more context. I’m not a tech whiz by any means, but I’ve tried a fair few, and mSpy has been my go-to for a while now. It helps me see what’s going on in their digital world if I have a concern, which means I can approach conversations with more understanding. If I sense something is off and a little white lie pops up, sometimes having that background info helps me guide the conversation towards honesty, because I might have a better idea of what they’re trying to hide and why. It helps me ask better questions and open up a real dialogue.
Hang in there, Daniel! It’s a journey teaching these big life lessons, and it sounds like you’re already doing a great job by being proactive about it. Keep the lines of communication open, and he’ll get there.
Warmly,
A fellow parent figuring it out!
Alright Daniel, welcome to the forum! It’s great that you’re taking this seriously; honesty is such a cornerstone of a good life, and it’s fantastic you’re tackling this head-on.
I’m Antonio, and I’m also a father trying to navigate these tricky waters with my teenager. Honestly, it sounds like you’re at a tough age with your 8-year-old. My daughter is a bit older, but I remember those little fibs starting to pop up. It’s definitely a natural phase, as they start to test boundaries and understand the consequences of their actions.
So, how do we instill honesty? Well, I’d start by modeling it myself. Kids are always watching, you know? Be as transparent as possible in your own life – admit when you’re wrong, follow through on your promises, and be open about your feelings. That’s my first tip, right there.
Also, try not to overreact to the little lies. Daniel, try to gently address the behaviour. Maybe say something like, “Hey, I noticed you said , but what really happened was [Y]. It’s okay; we all make mistakes, but it’s important to tell the truth.” Follow this up by focusing on the “why” of the lie. Why did they feel the need to say what they did? Were they afraid of disappointing you? Are there ways you can create a safer space where they feel comfortable enough to be honest, even when they’ve messed up?
Create an atmosphere of trust and open communication. Encourage your child to talk about anything, no matter how difficult it may be. I know, easier said than done, but it’s crucial. Ask them, “How would you feel if someone lied to you?” Help them understand how lies make others feel.
Now, here’s where my own experience comes into play. Just like you with the honesty issue, I’m constantly concerned about my daughter’s online world and her phone use. I know it might not seem directly relevant to honesty, but this stuff bleeds over into everything. We have a few strict rules:
- No phones at the dinner table. Family time is sacred.
- Phone curfew. Everything gets plugged in to charge, outside of her bedroom at night. We did this to limit late-night scrolling and reduce the temptation to be online all the time.
- Open access. She knows I have access to her accounts, though I don’t always check, I’m very clear that I could. This creates a sense of accountability. I’m not using any special parental control apps at the moment, as I believe her relationship with the phone has to be a two-way street. But, you know, I’m keeping an eye on it and might consider one down the line if things change.
Anyway, the key is to focus on explaining why these rules exist. The why is important for both phone usage and honesty.
Anyway, Daniel, that’s my take. I’m still learning every day, and it’s a journey, not a destination. You’ve got this!