Hi parents, what methods have worked for you in helping your children set and achieve personal goals? Thank you for the suggestions! — Sarah
Hi Sarah! @SarahGoalMaker, welcome to the forum!
That’s such a fantastic question, and one I think we all wrestle with as our kids grow. It’s definitely something on my mind a lot with my two, who are 9 and 13 – and goodness, what works for one often needs a totally different approach for the other!
With my older one, the 13-year-old, we can have more abstract conversations about what he wants to achieve, whether it’s related to a school project, a sport, or even saving up for something he wants. We talk about breaking it down into smaller, manageable steps. For example, if he wants to learn a new, tricky piece on his guitar, the first goal might just be mastering the first few bars, not the whole song right away.
For my 9-year-old, it needs to be much more concrete and often shorter-term. We’ve had success with visual charts for things like practicing reading every day or helping with a specific chore to earn something she wants. Sticker charts were a big hit when she was younger, and even now, seeing progress visually seems to really help her. We try to make it fun!
A few things I’ve found helpful across both ages:
- Let it be THEIR goal: As much as possible, I try to guide them towards setting goals they’re genuinely interested in. If it feels like my goal for them, they’re way less motivated. Sometimes it’s a bit of a nudge, like, “Hey, you mentioned you wanted to get better at drawing dragons, what’s one small thing you could do this week to practice that?”
- Break it down: Just like with my teen, even for the younger one, big goals can be overwhelming. “Clean your room” is huge, but “put all your Lego in the bin” is doable. Then, “put your books on the shelf.” Little wins build momentum!
- Celebrate the effort, not just the achievement: This is a big one for us. Sometimes they set a goal and don’t quite reach it, or it takes longer than expected. We make a point of praising the effort they put in, what they learned along the way, and how they stuck with it. It makes them more resilient when things don’t go perfectly, which, let’s be honest, is most of the time in life!
- Keep it visible (sometimes): For certain goals, especially for my younger one, having a visual reminder can be great. A list on the fridge, a drawing of what they’re working towards.
- Model it: They see my husband and I talking about our own goals, sometimes succeeding, sometimes struggling. I think it helps normalize the whole process.
Honestly, it’s a bit of trial and error! Some things we try work brilliantly, and others fall flat. The main thing seems to be keeping the conversation open and positive.
What kind of goals are you thinking about for your kids, or are they expressing interest in certain areas? Sometimes just knowing the age and interests helps us parents brainstorm more specific ideas together!
Hope this gives you a few starting points!
Warmly,
A fellow mom of two busy bees!
Hi Sarah, that’s a great question! With a 15-year-old, a 10-year-old, and a 6-year-old, we’re constantly trying different things to encourage goal-setting in our house. It’s definitely an ongoing experiment!
One area we’ve tried to set goals around is their online time and what they’re doing there – you know, trying to get my eldest to balance homework with his online gaming, or encouraging my 10-year-old to read a book before watching videos. And honestly, Sarah, this is where I hit a wall with so many of those parental control apps. They all sound fantastic, promising to help you manage screen time and guide responsible use, but then you discover all the genuinely useful features for setting and tracking these kinds of “digital responsibility” goals are locked behind a premium subscription. It drives me mad! I’ve paid for a couple in the past, hoping they’d be the answer to keeping distractions at bay while they’re trying to achieve other goals, like studying, but they often end up being clunky, easily bypassed, or just another monthly bill for features that don’t quite deliver.
So, when it comes to any kind of goal-setting, whether it’s related to their online habits or schoolwork or chores, we’ve found ourselves relying on more, shall we say, resourceful methods. For my older two, we talk a lot about what they want to achieve. If it’s saving up for something, we break down how much they need to save each week. If it’s a school project, we map out the steps. For my 10-year-old, a simple sticker chart on the fridge for things like “complete homework before any screen time” has worked miles better than any app I’ve reluctantly paid for. And for my 6-year-old, it’s all about small, achievable things like “tidy your toys to earn a star towards a weekend treat.”
I guess I’m just a bit skeptical that an expensive app is the magic bullet for anything, whether it’s online safety or teaching life skills like goal-setting. We find that clear communication, consistent expectations (which is the hard part!), and celebrating those small wins seem to be more effective for us. It’s definitely more hands-on than relying on an app, but at least I’m not constantly feeling nickel-and-dimed for features that should be standard.
It’s a tough balance, trying to guide them without constantly nagging or breaking the bank on software. Have other parents here found free or low-cost ways to encourage goal-setting, especially when it comes to managing their digital lives? I’d be interested to hear what works for you all, especially if you’ve also been disappointed by the promises of some of these parental control tools.
Hi SarahGoalMaker,
That’s a fantastic question! Encouraging goal-setting is such a vital life skill, and it’s wonderful you’re looking for ways to support your children in this. In my experience as a school counselor, fostering this ability early on can really build a child’s confidence and sense of agency.
The key, I’ve found, often lies in making the process collaborative and positive. Here are a few approaches that many families find helpful:
- Start Small and Make it Their Own: Encourage your children to identify goals that genuinely interest them. They’re much more likely to be motivated if it’s something they care about. These can be anything from learning to tie their shoes, reading a certain number of books, mastering a new skill in a game, or even improving a habit. Breaking larger goals into smaller, manageable steps makes them feel less daunting and provides more opportunities for celebration along the way.
- Visualize Success: For some kids, especially younger ones, making goals visual can be very powerful. This could be a chart on the fridge, a drawing of what achieving the goal looks like, or a simple checklist. This visual reminder keeps the goal top-of-mind.
- Focus on Effort and Process, Not Just Outcome: It’s so important to praise the effort, perseverance, and strategies they use, not just whether they achieve the goal perfectly or on the first try. This helps build resilience and a growth mindset. Open conversations about what’s working, what’s challenging, and what they’re learning are crucial. This is where that foundation of trust really comes into play – making it safe for them to share setbacks without fear of disappointment.
- Celebrate Milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate the small wins! This reinforces positive behavior and keeps motivation high. The celebration doesn’t have to be big; verbal praise, a special activity, or a high-five can be very effective.
Now, in our increasingly digital world, goal-setting can also extend to responsible technology use. For instance, a child might set a goal to balance their screen time with other activities, to learn a new digital skill, or to complete an online educational course. This is an area where open communication is absolutely paramount.
When we talk about managing the digital environment to support these goals, some parents find that parental control apps can be a useful tool. It’s important to be clear: these apps are not a replacement for ongoing conversations and trust, but they can act as a support mechanism, particularly when children are still developing self-regulation skills.
If you’re considering such tools, look for features that can help create a focused environment, such as:
- Time management features: These can help in setting agreed-upon limits for recreational screen time, freeing up time for other goals.
- Content filtering: This can help minimize distractions or exposure to inappropriate content while a child is using a device for homework or learning.
- Activity reports: Some apps provide insights into how time is being spent online. This data can be a great starting point for a conversation with your child about their digital habits and whether they align with the goals they’ve set for themselves (e.g., “I see you spent X hours on gaming this week. How do you feel that fits with your goal to finish your science project?”).
A common concern I hear from parents is about privacy or feeling like they’re “spying.” That’s a valid point. The most effective approach is transparency. If you choose to use such an app, discuss it with your child: explain why you’re using it (e.g., “to help us all stick to the screen time goals we agreed on,” or “to help you stay focused on your homework without online distractions”), and involve them in setting up the parameters where appropriate. The aim is to use these tools to support the healthy boundaries and goals you’ve established together, not to create a sense of being constantly monitored.
Ultimately, whether it’s learning to ride a bike or managing their digital footprint, the principles of goal-setting remain the same: empower them, communicate openly, guide them in setting realistic expectations, and be their biggest cheerleader.
I hope these suggestions are helpful, Sarah!
Warmly,
Deborah McGrane
School Counselor
Hi Sarah,
What a wonderful and important question! It’s something I think about a lot with my own grandchildren, Leo and Maya. Thank you for getting this conversation started.
It feels like such a balancing act, doesn’t it? I want to protect them and guide them, but I also know they need the space to grow their own independence and learn to make good choices. That’s especially true with all the time they spend on their tablets these days, which is a whole world I’m still trying to get the hang of!
One thing that’s been working for us is keeping it simple and visual. For my granddaughter Maya, who wants to learn to bake, we printed a “recipe ladder” and for every new recipe she masters, she gets to put a sticker on the next rung. It breaks a big goal into small, exciting steps.
I’ve also been trying to apply this to their online time, which frankly, worries me to no end. I’m not very tech-savvy, but I want them to be safe and use their time wisely. So, instead of just “playing a game,” we’ve started talking about their goals within the game. My grandson Leo will say, “Grandma, my goal is to build a bridge across the river in Minecraft by Friday!” It helps frame it as a project with a finish line, rather than just endless screen time.
I’ll be honest, I haven’t used any of those parental control apps yet, but I’ve been doing a lot of reading about them. I’m looking for something that’s easy for a grandparent to figure out! I think a feature that lets you set time limits would be a great way to help them learn to manage their own time and set goals for how long they’ll play. It would be a gentle guide rather than just me nagging them to get off. Have you or anyone else found an app that’s good for that sort of thing without being too complicated?
It all comes back to just talking with them, I suppose. Asking them what they want to accomplish and helping them figure out how to get there.
I’m really looking forward to hearing what other ideas folks have on here.
All the best,
Danielle