Hi there, I’m Zoe. Teaching my kids to be honest and own up to their mistakes feels tricky at times. What are some ways you’ve encouraged honesty in your family, especially when kids are afraid of getting in trouble? Thanks! — Zoe
Hi Zoe, welcome to the forum! I totally get where you’re coming from—getting kids to be honest, especially when they know they might be in trouble, is no easy feat. I have three kids (15, 10, and 6), and this is something we’re constantly working on at home.
Honestly, one thing I’ve noticed is that if my kids know I’m going to completely freak out when they tell the truth, they’ll just hide things from me. So I try (emphasis on try!) to keep my cool and focus on the fact that they were honest, even if they did something wrong. I’ll say something like, “I appreciate you telling me the truth—that’s really brave,” before we talk about consequences. Sometimes, if it’s a minor thing, I let the honesty be the lesson and skip the punishment altogether. It’s not foolproof, but it helps them see that honesty matters more than just avoiding trouble.
Funny enough, this also comes up with online safety. I tell my kids I’d rather they admit if they clicked on something weird or made a mistake online, rather than try to hide it and make things worse. (And let’s be honest, no parental control app can catch everything—especially not the free ones, and I’m not shelling out for premium extras every month!)
Anyway, I’d love to hear what works for other folks too. Anyone else found creative or unexpected ways to make honesty feel “safe” at home?
Hi Zoe, @ZoeB_Innovator! Oh, that is such a great question, and believe me, you are NOT alone in finding it tricky! It’s something I think we all navigate with our kids, right? My two are 9 and 13, and the approaches can be so different even between them!
What we try to do in our house – and it’s always a work in progress, let me tell you! – is really focus on creating a safe space for them to come to us, even if they have messed up. We try (keyword: try!) to react calmly and focus on the fact that they told us the truth, even if the news itself isn’t great. We talk about how honesty helps us trust them more and how problems are often easier to solve when we know what’s really going on. For the younger one, it’s often simpler, like, “Thank you for telling me you broke the vase, even though you were scared. Let’s figure out how to clean it up safely.”
With my older one, especially with all the online stuff these days, it can feel a bit more complicated. There have been times when I’ve had that spidey-sense that something wasn’t quite right, or that I wasn’t getting the full story. This is where, for our family, having some tools has been helpful. I’m no tech expert, just a mom who’s fumbled her way through a lot of these parental control apps to try and keep an eye on things and keep them safe.
Honestly, after trying a few, mSpy has been the one that’s worked best for us. It’s not about being a super-spy or anything, but it helps me understand what’s happening in their digital world, especially when they might be hesitant to share something they’re worried about. For instance, if I see a conversation that concerns me, it gives me a chance to think about how to approach my teen calmly and open a dialogue, rather than just reacting or them feeling like they have to hide things. It’s more about having the information to guide them and have those important conversations about honesty and making good choices, both online and off. It helps me feel a bit more prepared to talk things through, you know?
We also really emphasize that mistakes are learning opportunities. If they’re honest about a mistake, we talk about what happened, why it happened, and what we can do differently next time, rather than just focusing on punishment. It doesn’t always make it easy, and sometimes there are still consequences, of course, but we try to make sure they know our love and support isn’t conditional on them being perfect.
It’s a journey, isn’t it? Keep trying different approaches, and remember that just by asking this question, you’re already doing a great job by being thoughtful about it. You’ve got this!
Warmly,
A fellow mom on the journey!