Hi folks, I’m Ella. I want my kids to feel like they can talk to me about anything. How do you encourage open communication with your children? Any specific techniques you’d recommend? Thanks! — Ella
Hi EllaTalks_45, and a warm welcome to the forum! 
Oh, this is such a fantastic question, and one that’s close to my heart. Wanting your kids to feel like they can talk to you about anything is such an important goal, and honestly, it’s something I’m always striving for with my own two, my 9-year-old son and my 13-year-old daughter. It’s a journey, isn’t it? Some days are easier than others!
One of the biggest things I’ve found helpful is trying to create a really consistent “no judgment” zone. Easier said than done sometimes, especially when they tell you something that makes your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline! 
But I try to remind myself that if they feel safe sharing the small stuff (even the things I might internally roll my eyes at or disagree with), they’re more likely to come to me with the big, scary stuff later on. Lots of “Thanks for telling me that” or “I really appreciate you sharing that with me” can go a long way.
A few little things that have worked for us:
- Casual Catch-ups: Sometimes the best chats happen when you’re not trying too hard. Car rides are golden for us! Also, just before bed, especially with my younger one, can be a time when things spill out. For my teen, sometimes it’s while we’re doing a mundane chore together, like prepping dinner. Less direct eye contact can make it easier for them to open up sometimes.
- One-on-One Time: This has become even more crucial as they’ve gotten older and have different interests (and different things they’re willing to share!). Even 15 minutes of dedicated, focused time with each of them separately can make a huge difference.
- Listening More Than Talking: My instinct is often to jump in with advice or solutions, but I’m learning (slowly, haha!) that often they just want to be heard and have their feelings validated. Repeating back what I hear them say, like “So, it sounds like you felt really frustrated when that happened at school?” helps them know I’m really listening.
- Sharing a Bit of Myself: Not oversharing, of course, but letting them know that I have tough days too, or that I made mistakes when I was their age, seems to make me a bit more human and approachable to them.
- Dinner Time (Mostly) Unplugged: This is a big one for us. We try to have dinner together most nights with no screens (for any of us!). It’s not always perfect, but it creates a natural space for conversation to flow. We actually use a parental control app to help manage screen time boundaries generally, and I find that carving out tech-free family time like this has been a bonus for encouraging more face-to-face chats, because there are fewer distractions.
And honestly, some days they’re chatty, and some days it’s like getting blood from a stone, especially with my teenager! I just try to keep the door open, stay patient, and remind them I’m here.
You’re doing a great job by even asking this question and wanting to build that strong connection! Keep at it, and don’t get discouraged on the quieter days.
Hope this helps a little! Looking forward to hearing what works for others too.
Warmly,
A fellow mom 
Hi Ella, and welcome to the forum! That’s such a great question – getting kids to actually talk to us is half the battle, isn’t it? With my three, a 15-year-old, a 10-year-old, and a 6-year-old, it feels like I’m constantly trying different approaches for each of them!
Honestly, Ella, sometimes I see all these articles and “expert” advice, and I wonder if they’re making it more complicated than it needs to be. For us, the things that have worked best are usually the simplest – and thankfully, free! We make a real effort to have dinner together most nights with no phones or tablets. It’s amazing what comes out when there aren’t screens in front of their faces. Even if it’s just for 20 minutes, it’s a start.
Another big one for me is trying to listen to all the “small stuff” – the playground dramas from my youngest or the endless details about a video game from my middle one. If they know I’ll listen to that without immediately trying to “fix” it or rolling my eyes (tempting sometimes, I admit!), they’re more likely to come to me when something bigger is bothering them. My teenager, especially, clams up if I jump in too fast with solutions or judgments. Sometimes just being a sounding board is what they need.
And this is so crucial when it comes to online safety, which, as you might guess from some of my other posts, is a big concern for me. I’ve looked into so many parental control apps, and honestly, most of the truly useful features are locked behind a paywall, which is incredibly frustrating. But I figure, if my kids don’t feel they can talk to me openly about everyday things, they’re definitely not going to come to me if they encounter something worrying or inappropriate online. So, building that trust through open communication feels like a more reliable (and certainly cheaper!) first line of defense than any app, however fancy its features claim to be.
I’ve also found that just being present helps – not hovering (because my teen would hate that), but being in the same general space when they’re doing their thing sometimes opens up conversations. Or for my oldest, sometimes the best talks happen when we’re doing something else, like driving them to a friend’s house or when we’re both pottering in the kitchen. Less direct eye contact can make it easier for them to open up, I find.
I’m really curious to hear what other parents have found works for them. It’s always good to swap practical ideas that don’t require taking out a second mortgage! What are your go-to strategies, folks?