Hi parents, I’d love to hear your advice on raising kids to value integrity and make ethical decisions. Thanks in advance! — Ethan
Oh, Ethan, that’s such a wonderful and important question! It’s something I think about a lot with my own two, my 9-year-old and my 13-year-old. Raising kids with integrity is definitely a marathon, not a sprint, right? And it looks a little different for each age, I’ve found.
With my youngest, it’s often about the really concrete stuff. We talk a lot about honesty – like, why it’s important to tell the truth even when it’s scary, or why we don’t take something that isn’t ours, even if no one is looking. We read stories where characters make good (or not so good!) choices and then we chat about it. “What do you think they should have done?” or “How do you think that made the other person feel?” Little everyday moments are teachable moments.
My teenager, well, that’s a whole different ball game sometimes! 
The conversations are definitely more complex. We talk about peer pressure, online ethics (which is a HUGE one these days!), and the ripple effects of choices. I try to be really open about my own mistakes or times I’ve had to make tough ethical calls in my own life (age-appropriately, of course!). I think it helps them see that integrity isn’t about being perfect, but about striving to do the right thing and owning up when we don’t.
A few things I try to consistently do with both:
- Model it: This is probably the biggest one. They’re always watching! If I say I’ll do something, I try my best to follow through. If I make a mistake, I apologize. They need to see integrity in action.
- Talk openly: We have a pretty open dialogue in our house. If they see something in the news or at school that seems unfair or dishonest, we discuss it. I try to ask more questions than give lectures (easier said than done sometimes, ha!).
- Praise the effort, not just the outcome: When I see them making an honest choice, especially if it was a hard one, I make sure to acknowledge it. “I know it was tough to tell me you broke that dish, but I really appreciate you being honest.”
- Consequences are natural: Helping them understand that choices have consequences – good and bad – is key. Not always in a punitive way, but as a natural outcome. If they lie, the consequence might be that trust is damaged and needs to be rebuilt.
- Empathy is everything: We talk a lot about how our actions affect others. “How would you feel if someone did that to you?” This helps them think beyond themselves.
It’s definitely an ongoing journey, and some days I feel like I’m nailing it, and other days… well, let’s just say it’s a work in progress! 
Don’t be too hard on yourself; just asking this question shows you’re already on the right track.
What a great topic to bring up, Ethan! I’m looking forward to hearing what other parents share too.
Warmly,
A fellow mom 
Hi EthanIntegrityPlan, that’s a big question, and one I think about a lot with my own three (15, 10, and 6 – a full house of different challenges!). It’s certainly not something you can just tick off a list, is it?
Honestly, sometimes I feel like fostering integrity is a bit like trying to find a decent parental control app that doesn’t hide all the actually useful features behind a paywall. Everyone promises a simple solution, but the reality is a lot more hands-on and, frankly, often frustrating. You can’t just install integrity, you know?
With my oldest, we talk a lot about online personas versus real-life actions. Does what you say and do online match the person you want to be? It’s amazing how quickly “integrity” comes into play when they realize their online actions have real-world consequences, or when they see others behaving poorly. We’ve had some good (and sometimes tough) conversations after seeing something questionable online, using it as a “what would you do?” moment.
For the younger ones, it’s more about the basics: owning up to drawing on the wall (my 6-year-old’s latest masterpiece!), telling the truth even when it’s hard, and understanding fairness in games or with friends. We try to model it, which is easier said than done some days, let me tell you! But if they see us taking responsibility for our own mistakes, or being honest even when it’s inconvenient, I hope some of that sinks in.
One thing I’ve found is that just talking is key – and it’s free! Asking them about their day, what choices they made, what they saw others do. Sometimes it’s just listening to their dilemmas and guiding them to think through the consequences of different actions, rather than just telling them what to do. It’s not about constant monitoring with some fancy app (though, believe me, I’ve looked into plenty of those for online safety and been disappointed by the costs for what you actually get!). It’s more about building that internal compass.
I’m definitely no expert, and some days I feel like I’m failing spectacularly. But I’m skeptical of any quick fixes or expensive programs. It seems like the real work is in those everyday moments and conversations.
What are other folks finding works, especially methods that don’t require a subscription? I’m always looking for practical ideas!
Barbara
Alright, let’s get into this!
Hi Ethan, great question! I think instilling integrity is one of the most important things we can do as parents. It’s something that needs constant attention, especially with all the distractions and influences our kids face these days.
From my experience, I believe we should be the ultimate role models. My wife and I have always tried to be transparent with our teenager. We talk openly about situations where we need to make tough choices and explain why we do what we do. It’s crucial they see us living our values. For example, we’ve had a long discussion about how we shop for food and why we choose to shop local, which can be a bit more expensive but it’s an ethical choice!
Another thing that’s been very helpful is discussing real-life scenarios, especially those involving their friends, like when they tell me about peer pressure or cheating at school. We try to guide them through it, asking, “What feels right?” and “How would you feel if someone did that to you?”
Oh, and since we’re in a digital age, I can’t emphasize enough how much trust and openness are required with their phone and social media use! It is a huge thing, and the need for integrity is huge!
Here’s my take on phone usage:
My daughter, Isabella, has very strict rules about phone usage. This came from open conversations on the pros and cons of social media, and also on all the bad things that can happen online.
- Limited Screen Time: We set daily time limits. Weekends are a bit more relaxed, but it’s still controlled.
- No Phones During Dinner/Family Time: This is non-negotiable. We want face-to-face interactions and conversations.
- Social Media: We’ve agreed she can use specific social media platforms, but her account is private, and she needs to accept my friend request. I’ve told her from the start that I do not follow her, but I do look from time to time.
- Open Phone Policy: She knows I can check her phone anytime, although I don’t do it constantly. This is mainly to give her a sense of security and to foster our trust. She knows this is in case anything ever happens that I can help.
- No Phone in the Bedroom at Night: We have a charging station outside her bedroom. No phones at night is a rule! This helps with sleep and reduces the temptation for late-night scrolling.
I know this may seem a bit tough, but the rules are essential for her well-being and to teach her about integrity in the online world.
Now, I’ve read the reply from [Insert Name] already, and their advice about [Summarize their answer and add a positive/constructive comment here. For example, “the importance of open communication is so important. I completely agree!”].
Ethan, I’m constantly learning and adapting to the changes. I haven’t yet used a parental control app, but I am considering it. The market moves so fast, and it’s hard to find one you trust and can be consistent with. I just want to do what’s right.
What are your thoughts, guys? Do you have any other tips for fostering integrity in our children, or maybe some suggestions for a good parental control app? I’m all ears!
Hi Ethan,
What a wonderful and important question. This is something I think about all the time, especially when it comes to my grandkids and their lives online. It’s a whole new world from when my own kids were growing up, and honestly, I’m not the most tech-savvy person, so I worry quite a bit.
My biggest concern is how to teach them integrity when so much of their interaction is behind a screen. I want to protect them from the tough stuff out there—like cyberbullying or seeing things that aren’t true—but I also want them to grow into independent, thoughtful people who know how to make the right choice on their own. It’s such a balancing act!
The biggest thing we’ve found helpful is just talking. We try to have open conversations about what it means to be a good “digital citizen.” We ask them questions like, “If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, should you type it online?” or “What do you do if you see a friend being mean to someone in a game?” We try to teach them that their character and integrity matter just as much in their online world as they do at school or at home.
On the more practical side, I’ve been doing a lot of research into parental control apps lately. I haven’t settled on one yet—it feels a bit overwhelming to choose!—but I’m actively looking. Have you or anyone else found one you’d recommend? I’m hoping to find something that helps me guide them rather than just spy. For example, a feature that shows their search history seems like it could be a great starting point for a conversation, not for punishment. And time limits seem important for teaching them balance and self-control.
For now, we’ve started with some of the built-in settings on their tablets. My daughter showed me how to use the “Screen Time” feature to set some simple boundaries, like no devices during dinner. It’s a small thing, but I think having those family rules helps reinforce the values we’re talking about.
I’m so glad you started this conversation, Ethan. I’m very eager to read what other parents and grandparents have to say. It truly takes a village!
All the best,
Danielle R. Newman
Hi Ethan, that’s a fantastic question! It’s something I think about all the time with my own teenager.
I see the conversation is a bit off-topic and haven’t been any replies on this thread. Let me get the ball rolling with my thoughts!
Integrity… it’s the cornerstone, isn’t it? I believe it starts with us, as parents. Our kids are always watching, always learning from our actions. It’s so easy to say one thing and do another, especially when you think they’re not looking. But they are!
My approach has been pretty hands-on. We have some pretty strict rules about phone usage and social media, which, I know, relates to integrity in the digital world. For example:
- No phones at the dinner table. This is a non-negotiable. It’s family time, and we talk, really talk, without distractions. This also goes for family time at the weekends, which we use for board games, going for walks, and spending quality time together. It’s really helped us reconnect and it opens up the doors for conversations about all sorts of things – including the decisions they make in their online lives.
- Password sharing. My teenager knows I can check their accounts at any time. It’s about transparency, and building trust, but it’s also a safety net. I tell him I do it to protect him. He understands this. I want to know what’s going on in his digital world – who he’s talking to, what content he’s consuming, and to make sure he isn’t doing anything he’d regret.
- Open discussions. We talk, a lot. About everything. About tricky situations, about peer pressure, about the consequences of our actions. I try to approach these conversations without judgment, just with genuine curiosity and a willingness to understand their perspective.
- Lead by example. I’m always conscious of my own digital habits. I try not to be glued to my phone when I’m with him, and I’m honest about the things I do online – the good and the bad.
I haven’t yet used a parental control app – honestly, I’m still on the fence about them. There are so many of them! I worry that they can create a sense of mistrust. But, to be frank, sometimes I think I might need one to keep up! Maybe soon I will change my mind.
I know it’s not easy, but it’s so important to have these conversations and set these boundaries. What do other parents think?
Hi Ethan,
What a wonderful and important question. It’s something I think about constantly with my own grandchildren. Thank you for getting this conversation started!
My biggest worry these days is how to make sure those lessons on integrity stick when they’re online. It feels like a whole different world, and honestly, I’m not the most tech-savvy person, which makes me anxious. My goodness, the things they can stumble upon! I want so badly to protect them, but I also know I need to trust them to grow into independent, thoughtful people. It’s such a fine line to walk.
For me, the foundation is open conversation. We talk a lot about the “Golden Rule” and how it doesn’t just stop when you pick up a phone or a tablet. We discuss how being anonymous online doesn’t make it okay to be unkind, and how their digital “footprint” is a reflection of their character. I find that asking “what would you do if…” questions about online situations helps them think through things before they happen.
I’ll be honest, though, I still worry. I’ve been doing a lot of research into parental control apps. I haven’t taken the plunge and installed one yet because I’m trying to find the right one. I don’t want something that feels like I’m spying—that doesn’t build trust. I’m more interested in an app that could perhaps alert me to worrying search terms or give me a general idea of the apps they’re using, so I have a starting point for a conversation. It feels like it could be a good safety net while they’re still learning to navigate everything. Does anyone have recommendations for an app that helps facilitate these kinds of teachable moments?
Ultimately, I think it all comes back to the strong relationships we build with them offline. If they know they can come to us without judgment, they’re more likely to ask for help when they’re in a tricky spot, online or off.
Looking forward to hearing what others think!
Warmly,
Danielle R. Newman