Hi parents, what are some ways you encourage your children to take initiative and be proactive in different areas of their lives? Thanks! — Grace
Hi GraceProactiveParent,
That’s a wonderful question! As a school counselor, I see firsthand how beneficial it is when children learn to take initiative. Fostering proactivity is really about empowering them to become confident problem-solvers and responsible individuals, both offline and, increasingly, online.
From my experience working with children and families, one of the most effective ways to encourage proactivity is to create an environment where it’s safe to try, and even to make mistakes, as long as they learn from them. This starts with open communication and building a strong foundation of trust. When children feel heard and supported, they’re more likely to step forward with their own ideas and solutions.
Here are a few practical thoughts:
- Offer Choices and Responsibilities: Even small choices can build a sense of agency. For older children, this could mean involving them in planning family activities or giving them age-appropriate responsibilities around the house. When they own a task, they’re more likely to think ahead about what needs to be done.
- Model Proactive Behavior: Children learn so much by observing us. When they see you anticipating needs, planning, or tackling challenges head-on, they internalize that behavior. Talk through your own proactive steps sometimes, like, “I’m going to pack our snacks tonight so we’re not rushed for the park tomorrow.”
- Encourage Problem-Solving: Instead of immediately jumping in with solutions, ask guiding questions like, “What do you think you could do about that?” or “What are some possible ways to handle this?” This helps them develop critical thinking and initiative.
- Celebrate Initiative, Not Just Success: Acknowledge and praise the effort they put into taking initiative, even if the outcome isn’t perfect. This reinforces the value of being proactive.
Now, in our increasingly digital world, teaching proactivity also extends to their online lives. It’s about encouraging them to be proactive digital citizens. This means:
- Thinking Before They Click or Share: Helping them understand the permanence of online content and the importance of considering consequences.
- Proactively Managing Their Digital Footprint: Teaching them about privacy settings and what information is appropriate to share.
- Seeking Help for Online Issues: Encouraging them to come to you or another trusted adult if they encounter something uncomfortable or unsafe online, rather than trying to handle it alone or ignore it.
This is where open dialogue is absolutely crucial. When children trust that they can talk to you about their online experiences without fear of immediate judgment or punishment (like instantly losing all tech privileges), they are more likely to be proactive in seeking guidance.
Some parents find that parental control apps or software can be useful tools to support these conversations and help create a safer environment for children to practice being proactive online. When considering such tools, it’s helpful to look for features that allow you to guide and teach, rather than just restrict. For example, some apps can help you discuss time management or filter inappropriate content while still allowing for exploration. The goal isn’t about “catching” them, but about creating a framework for safety as they learn to navigate the digital world responsibly. It’s a tool that can complement ongoing conversations about making good choices online, rather than replacing them.
Ultimately, GraceProactiveParent, teaching proactivity is an ongoing process that involves patience, encouragement, and a lot of conversation. By fostering that open line of communication, you’re giving them the most important tool of all.
Looking forward to hearing what other parents suggest!
Warmly,
Deborah McGrane
School Counselor
Hi Grace, that’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? How to get them to actually do things without us nagging them every five minutes! With my three – a 15-year-old, a 10-year-old, and a 6-year-old – it’s a different battle on different fronts every day.
For my teenager, being proactive often ties into their online world. I’m always hoping they’ll proactively manage their screen time or be responsible about what they’re doing online. It’s funny, you see all these parental control apps advertised, promising to make our lives easier. But honestly, most of the time, the features that might actually encourage some sort of self-regulation are locked behind a hefty subscription. It’s frustrating! You think you’re getting a tool to help, and then it’s just another bill for basic functionality. I’m always a bit skeptical about how much an app can truly teach proactivity versus just setting limits.
With my younger ones, it’s more about encouraging them to get their school bags ready the night before, or the 10-year-old starting homework without being told. What I’ve found works better than any app (and is definitely cheaper!) is:
- Clear Expectations & Routines: They know what needs doing and when. The 6-year-old knows shoes go in the closet, not the middle of the floor (well, most of the time!).
- Letting Them See the ‘Why’: Instead of just “do this,” we talk about why it helps. “If you pack your bag now, you won’t be rushed and forget your lunch tomorrow.”
- Praise the Effort, Not Just Perfection: Even if they try and don’t quite get it right, acknowledging they took the initiative themselves seems to help.
- Natural Consequences (the safe kind!): If homework isn’t done proactively, they might have to miss out on some playtime to finish it. It’s a gentler way to learn than me just shouting.
It’s a slow process, and some days I feel like a broken record. I’d love to hear what strategies other parents are using. Are there any magic tricks I’m missing, especially for getting them to think ahead without us constantly prompting? And does anyone else feel like those “miracle” parenting apps are more about draining our wallets than genuinely helping build these life skills?
Looking forward to hearing other ideas!
Barbara
Oh, hi Grace! That’s such a great question – and honestly, one I think about a lot with my own two, my 9-year-old son and my 13-year-old daughter. It feels like one of those ongoing parenting adventures, doesn’t it? Some days I feel like we’re making real progress, and others… well, let’s just say the couch looks very appealing to them! 
What I’ve found is that it’s definitely not a one-size-fits-all thing, especially with the age gap.
With my 9-year-old, Liam, we started small. For example, instead of me always reminding him to pack his soccer bag, we made a little visual checklist he could follow himself. At first, there was a lot of “Mom, where’s my…?” but gradually, he started taking the lead. Now, most of the time, he gets it sorted the night before. We also try to give him ownership of small household tasks, like feeding the dog. If he sees the bowl is empty, he knows it’s his job to fill it without me having to ask. When he does it without prompting, I make sure to notice and say something like, “Thanks for taking care of Rusty, buddy! I really appreciate you noticing his bowl was empty.” Positive reinforcement seems to work wonders at this age!
Now, with my 13-year-old, Maya, it’s a bit more complex, as you can imagine! Teenagers, right? 
With her, being proactive often ties into her schoolwork and managing her own time. We’ve been encouraging her to look at her week ahead – tests, assignments, extracurriculars – and plan accordingly, rather than leaving everything to the last minute. Sometimes this means letting her experience the natural consequences of not being proactive, like a bit of a scramble before a deadline. It’s hard to watch them struggle, but sometimes those are the most effective lessons! We also talk a lot about why it’s helpful for her – less stress, more free time if she gets things done, etc. I find asking questions like, “What’s your plan for that big history project?” or “What can you do now to make next week a bit easier?” helps her think through things.
A few things that seem to help with both of them:
- Modeling it: If they see my husband and me being proactive about household stuff or planning, it sinks in (eventually!).
- Talking about “What’s Next?”: When one task is done, encouraging them to think about the next logical step. Like, “Okay, dinner’s over, what needs to happen next before we can relax?” (Hoping for “I’ll clear the table!” instead of a beeline for their screens, haha!)
- Resisting the urge to jump in: This is a tough one for me! But if I always remind them or do it for them, they don’t learn to think ahead for themselves.
- Celebrating the small wins: Even if it’s just remembering to take their dirty plate to the sink without being asked ten times. Every little bit counts!
It’s definitely a journey, and some days are more proactive than others in our house! Don’t get discouraged if it takes time. Just keep planting those seeds.
Would love to hear what others are trying too! This is such an important life skill.
Warmly,
A fellow mom trying her best! 
Hi Grace,
What a wonderful question. It’s something I think about all the time with my own grandchildren.
It’s funny, when my kids were little, being “proactive” meant doing their homework or chores without being asked! Nowadays, it seems like there’s this whole other world we need to prepare them for – the online one. It honestly keeps me up at night sometimes, worrying about how to keep them safe while also giving them the space to grow and be independent.
For me, a big part of teaching them to be proactive is tied to their online lives. Instead of just setting strict rules they might not understand, my husband and I try to have open conversations about why certain things aren’t safe. We talk about thinking before you post a photo, or what to do if a stranger tries to contact them. The goal is to help them become proactive thinkers about their own safety, rather than just having us react if something goes wrong.
I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the most tech-savvy person, and it can all feel a bit overwhelming. I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately about those parental control apps. I haven’t taken the plunge and installed one yet, as I’m still trying to find the right balance. I want a safety net, but I don’t want to feel like I’m snooping on them, you know?
I think the most helpful features for me would be the ability to set time limits on certain games or apps, and maybe a filter for websites that are clearly not for kids. Grace, since you’re thinking about proactivity, I’m curious if you’ve looked into any of these tools? I’d be so grateful for any recommendations from you or anyone else on what has worked well.
For now, our best tool is just keeping the lines of communication wide open. It’s a learning process for me as much as it is for them!
Looking forward to hearing what other parents and grandparents suggest.
Warmly,
Danielle R. Newman
Hello Grace,
What a wonderful and important question! This is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately with my own grandchildren. It’s such a tricky balance, isn’t it? You want them to be independent and take charge, but the world feels so different and, frankly, a bit scarier than when we were raising our own.
For me, a big part of teaching them to be proactive is tied to their safety online. My goodness, it keeps me up at night sometimes! I want to protect them from all the dangers out there, but I also know I can’t just wrap them in bubble wrap. They need the skills to navigate the world on their own, and the online world is a huge part of their lives now.
I’m not very tech-savvy, I’ll admit. My grandkids are usually the ones showing me how to work my phone! But I’m determined to learn. What’s worked for us is less about technology and more about talking. We have an “open door” policy where they know they can come to me or their grandpa with absolutely anything they see online that makes them feel weird or uncomfortable, and we promise we won’t get mad or just take the tablet away. The goal is to encourage them to take the initiative to tell us when something is wrong.
I’ve been doing a lot of research into those parental control apps, though I haven’t taken the plunge and installed one yet. I’m a bit overwhelmed by the options! I’m looking for something that does more than just block things. I’d love an app that could maybe send me a little summary of their activity so I can use it as a starting point for conversations, like, “Hey, I saw you were looking up videos about that game, tell me about it!” Does anyone have experience with an app that helps you guide your kids to make good choices, rather than just putting up walls? That seems more in line with teaching them to be proactive.
It’s a real learning process for us grandparents, trying to keep up! I’m so glad you started this conversation, Grace, and I’m looking forward to reading what others suggest.
Warmly,
Danielle R. Newman
Hi GraceProactiveParent, I love how you’re opening up this conversation—teaching kids to be proactive is so important! What’s worked for us is having regular family check-ins where my teen sets their own weekly goals (both phone-related and otherwise) and reflects on how they did. I keep fairly strict rules—for example, no phones in bedrooms overnight and daily screen time limits—which gives structure, but I also let them choose certain responsibilities, like managing their own homework schedule or organizing a weekend plan. I haven’t gone the parental control app route yet; I want to foster trust and self-discipline first. My tip: give them limited choices and let them “own” the outcomes. How do others balance guidance and independence?
Hello Grace, I love your question about helping kids be proactive! As a grandparent, I sometimes worry about my grandkids spending too much time on screens and missing chances to take charge of their own activities. I’m not very tech-savvy, but I find that setting simple routines and encouraging open chats about their goals helps them think ahead. I haven’t tried any apps yet, but I’m curious if anyone uses tools that gently remind kids to plan or manage their time. Thanks for starting this great conversation!
Hi Grace, you’re asking a great question! Encouraging kids to be proactive involves teaching them to anticipate needs and take responsibility. One effective approach is to give them small, manageable tasks that they can complete independently, boosting their confidence. Discussing the importance of planning and setting goals also helps them understand the benefits of initiative. Additionally, modeling proactive behavior yourself can inspire them to emulate those habits. Creating a supportive environment where effort is praised encourages kids to take initiative without fear of failure. Keep fostering open communication about their ideas and challenges, which helps build their confidence and autonomy.