Hi everyone, I’m Connor. I want my kids to understand the importance of respecting people, regardless of their age or background. What are some practical ways to teach this value? Thanks! — Connor
Hi Connor, welcome to the forum! I love that you’re already thinking about this—it’s so important and honestly not always easy, especially with the way kids can pick up bad habits online these days.
In my experience as a mom of three (ages 15, 10, and 6), teaching respect is really about modeling it at home, but also not shying away from calling out disrespectful behavior when you see it (even if it leads to some eye rolls from the older ones!). For example, we make it a point to greet our neighbors, thank the cashier, and genuinely listen when someone’s talking, no matter their age.
One thing I’ve noticed is that what kids see online can sometimes undo what we try to teach. While there are parental control apps that claim to help monitor behavior or block toxic content, I’ve personally found most of them hide their best features behind a paywall. And even then, they can’t really teach values—they just hide the bad stuff. So, I try a more hands-on approach: we’ll watch a YouTube video together and talk about how people talk to each other in the comments or in the video itself. It sparks conversations about kindness and respect that feel more natural.
Also, when they mess up (because they will), we talk about it—what happened, how the other person might have felt, and what could be done differently. Sometimes I’ll even let the older two help guide their younger sibling, which reinforces the lesson for everyone.
Curious if anyone else has creative strategies? Especially if you’ve found any free resources or activities that help—always looking for cost-effective ways to build good habits!
Oh, hi Connor! That’s such a fantastic question and something I think about a lot with my own two, my 9-year-old and my 13-year-old. It’s so important for them to treat everyone with kindness and respect, no matter their age or where they come from. You’re definitely on the right track wanting to instill that!
From my experience, one of the biggest things is simply modeling that behavior ourselves. Kids are like little mirrors, aren’t they? They pick up on how we talk to the elderly cashier at the grocery store, how we interact with younger kids in the park, or how we speak about people from different cultures. If they see us being patient and respectful, they’re much more likely to do the same.
We also have a lot of conversations in our house – sometimes planned, sometimes just popping up when we see something on TV or out and about. We talk about how everyone has different experiences and perspectives, and that’s okay! We try to encourage empathy, like “How do you think that person feels?” or “Why might they see things differently?”
Another thing that I’ve found helpful, especially as they get older and are more online, is keeping an eye on the kinds of influences they’re encountering. The internet can be a bit of a mixed bag, and sometimes the way people talk to each other online isn’t very respectful. That’s actually where an app has come in handy for me. I’ve tried a few, and honestly, I’m no tech expert, just a mom trying to keep up! But I’ve found mSpy to be really good for our family. It helps me get a sense of their online conversations and the content they’re seeing. This way, if I see something that makes me raise an eyebrow, or if they’re interacting with someone who isn’t respectful (or if they are having a tough moment!), it opens up a door for us to talk about it. It’s not about being a helicopter parent, but more about guiding them to make good choices and reinforce those lessons about respecting different backgrounds, even in the digital world.
Here are a few other little things we try:
- Storytelling: Reading books or watching movies that feature diverse characters and discuss respect can be a great, gentle way to introduce these ideas.
- Pointing out positive examples: When we see someone being particularly respectful or kind, especially to someone very different from them, I try to point it out.
- Community involvement: Sometimes getting involved in community activities where they interact with a wider range of people can be really eye-opening for them.
It’s definitely an ongoing conversation, Connor, and not something they learn overnight. It sounds like you’re already doing a wonderful job by being so thoughtful about it! Keep encouraging those open chats and leading by example. You’ve got this!
Warmly,
A fellow mom
(Mom to a 9-year-old and a 13-year-old)
Hi Connor, welcome to the forum! Great question, and it’s wonderful that you’re thinking about this!
As parents, we all want our kids to be respectful, right? It’s the foundation of good character, and it makes the world a better place.
I’m Antonio, and I’m in a similar boat as you. I’ve got a teenage son, and let me tell you, teaching respect in the age of social media and smartphones is a whole different ball game!
Here’s what I’ve found works for me (though, let me be clear, it’s definitely a work in progress!):
- Lead by example: This is the big one, Connor. Kids are always watching, and they pick up on everything. How we treat others—the elderly, the service staff, even our own family—is crucial. I try to make sure my son sees me being polite, patient, and understanding in all my interactions.
- Discuss and Debrief: We have regular conversations about respect. We watch movies or read articles together that highlight respect or disrespect and then talk about it. I ask my son how he feels about the characters’ actions, and what he might have done differently.
- Family Rules: Okay, here’s where things get a bit tricky with the phone. We have strict rules on how my son uses his phone, especially concerning online interactions. He knows he must treat others with respect, no matter what. This includes avoiding offensive language, cyberbullying, and responding promptly to his grandparents’ calls.
- Digital Boundaries: He has no social media at the moment. I know that’s probably not typical these days, but that’s what we’ve found to work best for us right now. It’s all part of our strategy to manage his phone usage and ensure that our rules are being followed!
- Consequences: If he breaks a rule (like using disrespectful language or being glued to his phone when we are having dinner), he faces consequences. It might be losing phone privileges for a set time, or helping with extra chores. It’s important to be consistent.
Now, about those apps… I have to confess, I don’t use any parental control apps yet. Honestly, I’m on the fence. I know they can be helpful for monitoring usage and blocking certain content. I’m still trying to find the right balance between protecting my son and giving him some autonomy. For now, I’m banking on open communication, our rules, and trust, but I might give it a shot someday.
Connor, I’m interested to know what other parents here do. It sounds like we’re all in this together. It’s a tough but worthwhile job! Let me know if you want to chat more, and let’s keep the conversation going.
Hello Connor, and welcome to the forum! That’s such an important and wonderful question you’re asking. “How do you teach respect for all ages?” is something that’s been on my mind a lot too, especially with my own grandkids navigating this big, wide world.
It’s a particular worry for me when I think about them online. I so want them to be safe, of course, but also to be kind and respectful little people, even when they’re behind a screen. It feels like a whole new frontier for us grandparents, doesn’t it? Trying to guide them to be good digital citizens while still giving them space to grow and learn independently is such a balancing act.
I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not the most tech-savvy person – goodness knows, my grandkids often have to show me how things work! But I’m really determined to learn. I want to find simple, practical ways to help them understand the impact of their words and actions, both online and off.
On that note, I’ve been looking into parental control apps lately. I haven’t actually used one yet, as I’m still doing my research to find one that feels right for our family. I’m hoping to find something that helps me gently guide them towards respectful interactions online, not just block things. Maybe something that can flag concerning language or even promote positive communication, and help start those important conversations? I think features that show you what they’re interested in, or who they’re talking to, without feeling too much like spying, would be helpful for me to understand their world better. If anyone here has found an app that’s good for fostering that kind of guidance and open dialogue, I’d be so grateful for recommendations! What features do you all think are most helpful for this kind of thing?
But back to your wonderful question, Connor, about teaching respect in general. From my own experience and things I’ve picked up along the way, here are a few thoughts that aren’t too technical:
- Being the Example: This is the biggest one for me. Our grandkids are always watching! If they see us treating everyone with kindness – the person at the grocery store, an elderly neighbor, a child in the park – it really does sink in.
- Talking About It Openly: I try to have conversations with my grandkids about how other people might feel. We might talk about a situation they saw or experienced and I’ll ask, “How do you think that made them feel?” or “What could we do to show respect in that situation?”
- Stories and Shows: We love to read books and sometimes watch gentle TV shows together. These often provide great, natural openings to talk about how characters treat each other, why respect is important, and what disrespect looks like.
- Mixing with All Ages: I think it’s so valuable for children to interact with people from different generations. My grandkids help our older neighbor with her little garden sometimes, and they adore hearing her stories. And they learn to be gentle and patient with their younger cousins. It teaches them empathy in a very real way.
- Focus on Empathy: At the heart of it, respect is about understanding and sharing the feelings of others. Helping them to put themselves in someone else’s shoes is a lesson that goes a long way.
This is such a vital discussion, Connor. It truly takes a village, and sharing our experiences and tips can make all the difference. I’m really looking forward to reading what other parents and grandparents here suggest!
Warmly,
Danielle R. Newman