Hi everyone, I’d love to hear how you teach your kids to be respectful in day-to-day situations. Any useful techniques? Thanks! — Jason
Oh, hi JasonLifeValues! Welcome to the forum!
That’s such a fantastic question, and honestly, one that’s pretty much always on my mind with my two – I’ve got a 9-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter, so the challenges (and approaches!) can be a bit different for each! It’s a journey, isn’t it? Some days I feel like we’re nailing it, and other days… well, let’s just say it’s a work in progress! 
For us, the biggest thing has always been modeling. It sounds so simple, but gosh, they pick up on everything. If my husband and I are speaking respectfully to each other, to them, and even to the customer service person on the phone who’s making us want to pull our hair out, they see that. And when we slip up (because we’re human!), we try to apologize and acknowledge it, even to the kids. “Mommy got a bit frustrated then, and I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I’m sorry.”
A few things we try to weave into our daily life:
- The Magic Words (and Meanings!): “Please,” “thank you,” “excuse me” are non-negotiables. But we also talk about why – how it makes the other person feel appreciated or acknowledged. With my 9-year-old, it’s often a gentle reminder, “What do you say when someone gives you something?” With my 13-year-old, it’s more about the sincerity behind it.
- Active Listening: This is a big one, especially as they get older and have their own (very strong!) opinions. We practice trying to let the other person finish speaking before jumping in. It’s tough! My daughter and I have had many chats about how even if you disagree, letting someone say their piece without interruption is a sign of respect. We’re still working on that one during “passionate” discussions about screen time.
- Acknowledging Different Perspectives: Teaching them that it’s okay for people to have different opinions, beliefs, or ways of doing things. We talk about how you can disagree with someone’s idea respectfully without attacking the person. This comes up a lot with current events or even things they see online.
- Respect for Belongings & Spaces: Simple things like knocking before entering a closed door (especially my teen’s!), asking to borrow something, and taking care of shared items. This also extends to respecting public spaces – not littering, keeping voices down in quiet places.
- Direct Conversations about Disrespect: When they are disrespectful (because it happens!), we try to address it calmly but directly. Instead of just “That was rude!”, we’ll try “When you said X, it made me feel Y because Z.” This helps them understand the impact of their words or actions. Then we talk about how they could have handled it differently.
- Praise Respectful Behavior: When I see my son share a toy without being asked, or my daughter patiently explain something to her younger brother, I make sure to point it out. “That was so kind and respectful of you to…” Positive reinforcement goes a long way!
- Online Respect (Big for the Teen!): This is a whole new ballgame! With my 13-year-old, we talk a LOT about how what she types online can be hurtful, even if she doesn’t mean it to be. We discuss how tone gets lost in text. This is actually where our talks about responsible tech use and the tools we use (like our parental control app to set boundaries, but also to spark conversations) really come into play. It’s not just about limiting what they see, but guiding how they interact.
It’s really about those consistent, small, everyday moments rather than one big lecture, you know? And being patient with them and with ourselves! Some days it feels like you’re talking to a brick wall, but then they’ll surprise you with a moment of real empathy or consideration, and it makes all the effort worthwhile.
What techniques have others found helpful? I’m always looking for new ideas, especially as they hit different stages!
Hang in there, Jason! We’re all in this parenting adventure together.
Warmly,
A Caring Mom 
Hi JasonLifeValues, that’s a fantastic question, and believe me, it’s one I’m wrestling with every single day with my crew – especially with a 15-year-old, a 10-year-old, and a 6-year-old all under one roof! Teaching respect feels like a marathon, not a sprint, doesn’t it?
Honestly, Jason, I tend to get a bit skeptical of any supposed ‘quick fix’ for these big parenting challenges. It reminds me of my experiences with parental control apps – so many of them promise the world, and then you dig in and find out all the genuinely useful features for actually guiding behavior (not just blocking sites) are stuck behind a paywall. It’s frustrating! And when it comes to something as fundamental as respect, can an app or a piece of software truly teach that anyway? I have my doubts. I feel like it’s less about control and more about connection.
For our family, teaching respect has been more about the consistent, everyday, and thankfully, free strategies.
A huge part of it is modeling. My kids are like little hawks; they see how I talk to my husband, how I treat the cashier at the supermarket, even how I handle a frustrating customer service call. If they see us being respectful, even when it’s challenging, that seems to sink in more than any lecture.
We also have a lot of conversations. Not just laying down the law, but asking questions like, “When you said that to your sister, how do you think it made her feel?” or “Why do you think that person reacted that way?” And this definitely extends to their online world, which, with my eldest, is a big one. Trying to teach respectful communication online – without needing to shell out for some expensive monitoring software that probably wouldn’t teach him the ‘why’ behind it all anyway – is a constant work in progress. We talk about tone in texts, how things can be misunderstood, and the good old golden rule: don’t type anything you wouldn’t say to someone’s face.
We also try to explain the ‘why’ behind our family rules about respect. It’s not just “you need to be respectful because I said so,” but more like, “In our family, we treat each other with respect because it helps everyone feel safe, heard, and valued.”
It’s definitely not a perfect system, and some days are a real test of patience (and creativity!). But these are the things that seem to be making a slow and steady difference for us.
I’m really interested to hear what other parents are doing too. What are your go-to techniques, especially the ones that don’t require taking out a second mortgage? It’s always good to share what actually works in the real world.
Alright, Jason, that’s a fantastic question! Teaching respect is so crucial, especially in today’s world.
I read the previous response and think it’s a great starting point! Using “please” and “thank you” is absolutely fundamental – my daughter, Isabella, learned that very early on. Also, encouraging kids to consider other people’s feelings is a great piece of advice, Jason.
For us, it’s a constant conversation. I try to lead by example. Isabella sees me being respectful to her mother, her grandparents, even the cashier at the grocery store. She sees how I speak to others, how I listen to their opinions, even if I disagree. I think that’s one of the most powerful things you can do.
Another thing we do, though it’s tricky, is to make her aware of the impact of her words and actions. If she’s being rude or disrespectful, instead of just yelling at her, I try to calmly explain how her behavior made someone feel. We then discuss how she could have handled the situation differently. It’s not always easy, and sometimes I lose my cool, but I always try to circle back and talk about it later.
Now, this brings me to her phone, which leads into another aspect of respect. I don’t use any parental control apps yet, but I’m definitely thinking about it. Right now, we have some pretty strict rules:
- No phones at the dinner table. It’s family time, and we talk!
- Limited screen time during the week. This helps her focus on homework and other activities, but mostly helps to encourage in-person social interactions.
- Phone off before bed. Blue light is bad for sleep, and I don’t want her staying up late scrolling.
- Open phone policy: I can check her phone anytime, though I try not to unless I have a reason. It’s all about trust and transparency, which is really important for me and for her, I think.
The reasoning behind these rules is all about balance. I want her to be connected, but I don’t want her life to revolve around her phone. I want her to learn how to be respectful in the digital world, too – online interactions, thinking before she posts, etc. It’s a learning process for both of us, really.
Jason, I think the key is consistency, open communication, and being a good role model. It’s hard work, and every day is a new challenge, but seeing Isabella develop into a respectful young woman is the best reward.
What are your thoughts, other parents? What strategies have you found effective in teaching respect in our increasingly digital world?
Hello Jason,
What a wonderful and important question to ask. This is something that has been on my mind constantly, especially when it comes to my grandchildren, Michael and Chloe. It seems like teaching respect these days is a whole new ballgame with the internet in the picture.
My biggest worry is figuring out how to keep them safe from some of the unkindness online while still giving them the freedom to explore and learn on their own. It’s such a delicate balance, isn’t it? I want to be a protective grandparent, but not a smothering one.
For us, the foundation has always been open conversation. I try to show genuine interest in the videos they’re watching or the games they’re playing. Instead of just saying “be careful,” I’ll ask, “Who are you playing with online? Are they being nice to you? Are you being kind back?” It helps open the door to talk about what online respect looks like—not sharing secrets, not using mean words, and knowing it’s okay to tell an adult if someone makes them feel uncomfortable. We also have firm rules like no devices at the dinner table, which I think teaches them to respect our family time together.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the most tech-savvy person. All these apps and settings can feel a bit overwhelming! I’ve been doing a lot of reading about parental control apps, but I haven’t actually tried one yet. I’m looking for something simple that could maybe help me set some time limits and just let me know if they stumble onto websites that aren’t appropriate for their age. My goal isn’t to spy, but to have a tool that can help me guide them. Has anyone here had any luck with a particular app that’s easy for a grandparent to use?
Thank you for bringing this up, Jason. It’s a conversation we all need to be having. I’m looking forward to hearing what other folks suggest!
All the best,
Danielle R. Newman
Hi Jason, great question! I really appreciate how you’re focusing on everyday moments to build respect—that’s where it sticks most, in my experience. With my teen, I set strict rules around phone usage at home, like no phones at the dinner table and always greeting adults politely, even online. I try to model respectful conversations myself, especially when we disagree. I don’t use a parental control app yet because I want to foster trust first, but I do regular check-ins about what they’re doing online. My tip is: Set clear expectations early, and keep the conversation going. It’s not easy, but the small daily reminders really help!
Hello Jason, what a thoughtful question! I worry a lot about teaching respect to my grandkids, especially since they spend so much time online these days. I’m not very tech-savvy, but I’ve found that simple things like setting clear boundaries and having open conversations about how to treat others kindly really help. I haven’t used any parental control apps yet, but I’m exploring options to help guide them gently without feeling intrusive. Looking forward to hearing what others suggest!
Hi Jason, it’s great to see your interest in teaching respect. Engaging children in active listening and encouraging empathy are effective techniques. Role-playing different scenarios helps kids understand how their actions impact others. Setting clear expectations and modeling respectful behavior yourself is crucial, as kids learn a lot by imitation. Positive reinforcement when they demonstrate respect also reinforces good habits. Consistent communication and patience are key. Remember, teaching respect is an ongoing process that benefits from everyday interactions. Keep encouraging open dialogue and understanding, and you’ll foster respectful habits that last a lifetime.