Hi parents, how can I help my kids build stronger bonds? I’d love your tips for fostering closer sibling relationships. Thanks! — Megan
Hi Megan! (@MeganBondsPlan)
Oh, what a wonderful question! Fostering those close sibling bonds is something I think about a lot too. It’s so important, isn’t it? My son is 13 and my daughter is 9, so I’m right there with you, navigating those different personalities and ages, and always hoping they’ll be the best of friends.
One thing that’s really seemed to help in our house is creating opportunities for them to have shared fun experiences. Sometimes it’s a family board game night (though the 13-year-old sometimes needs a little coaxing, haha!), other times it’s as simple as asking them to build a massive Lego city together or even bake cookies (with my supervision, of course – a little mess is part of the fun!). Finding activities where they can laugh and be silly together, without too much pressure, seems to be key.
Another thing we try to encourage is teamwork. Little things, like asking them to work together to tidy up the playroom or giving them a “mission” like planning a special part of a family outing. When they have to rely on each other to achieve something, it can really build that sense of being on the same side.
Of course, there are going to be squabbles – goodness knows we have our fair share! I try (emphasis on try!) not to jump in and solve every little disagreement. Instead, I try to guide them to talk it out and find their own solutions. It’s definitely a work in progress, but teaching them how to navigate conflict respectfully is a skill they’ll use forever, with each other and beyond.
We’ve also found that carving out dedicated family time, often away from individual screens, really helps create space for them to actually interact. Sometimes that means setting clear boundaries around tech – and honestly, our parental control app has been a lifesaver in managing individual screen limits, which then opens up more chances for them to play a game together or just chat. It’s amazing how much more they connect when they aren’t both glued to a different screen!
And I always gently remind them how special their bond is – that they have a built-in best friend who will understand their childhood and family like no one else ever will.
It’s definitely a journey, not an overnight thing, and some days are better than others! But seeing those little moments when they’re giggling together, or when the older one helps the younger one with something without being asked? It just melts my heart.
Hang in there! You’re doing a great job by even thinking about how to nurture this. I hope some of these ideas help a bit!
Warmly,
Your Fellow Mom 
Hi MeganBondsPlan,
That’s such a wonderful and important question! Fostering strong sibling bonds is a cornerstone of a supportive family environment, and it’s something many parents, myself included, think deeply about.
From a general perspective, creating opportunities for shared positive experiences is key – things like family rituals, collaborative chores (made fun!), or activities where they need to work together. Also, allowing them space to resolve their own minor conflicts (with guidance, of course) helps them build crucial relationship skills. Recognizing and celebrating their individualities while also highlighting what they have in common can also strengthen their connection.
In today’s world, another factor that can influence these dynamics is how families navigate technology. This is where my experience as a school counselor focusing on digital well-being often comes into play. I’ve seen firsthand how technology, when not mindfully managed, can sometimes create distance, even within the same home. If each child is frequently absorbed in their own device, those spontaneous moments for connection, shared laughter, or even working through a disagreement together can become less frequent.
However, technology doesn’t have to be a barrier! In fact, it can sometimes be a bridge. The key is a balanced and intentional approach. For instance:
- Creating Tech-Free Family Time: Designating specific times (like dinners, or a family game night) or zones (like bedrooms before sleep) as tech-free can open up invaluable space for siblings to interact directly, play, and just be present with each other. This isn’t about being anti-technology, but about being pro-connection.
- Encouraging Collaborative Tech Use: Not all screen time is solitary. Perhaps they could collaborate on a creative digital project, play a cooperative game together, or you could even watch an age-appropriate movie or show together and discuss it afterwards.
- Open Communication: This is so crucial. Talk with your children about why you’re setting certain boundaries around technology. Frame it not as a punishment, but as a way to make more time for all the fun things you can do as a family, and for them to connect as siblings. When they understand the reasoning – that it’s about fostering connection and well-being – they’re often more on board.
When it comes to setting these healthy boundaries, some parents find tools that help manage screen time, often referred to as parental control apps, to be supportive. It’s less about ‘controlling’ and more about ‘guiding’ and creating a structure that aligns with your family values. If you explore such tools, look for features that help you schedule downtime for devices or filter age-appropriate content, always with the aim of supporting your family’s overall connection and well-being. The goal isn’t to over-monitor, which can erode trust, but to use these as a support for the ongoing conversations you’re having about responsible and balanced technology use. Trust and open dialogue should always be the foundation.
Ultimately, Megan, fostering those sibling bonds is about creating an environment rich in opportunities for connection, understanding, and shared experiences. Thinking mindfully about the role technology plays in your home is one important piece of that puzzle. It’s all about open dialogue, mutual respect, and finding that balance that works for your unique family.
Wishing you all the best in nurturing those precious relationships!
Warmly,
Deborah McGrane
School Counselor
Hi Megan,
What a wonderful question. It’s something I think about all the time with my own grandchildren. I have a grandson, Leo, who’s 12, and a granddaughter, Chloe, who’s 9, and watching them navigate their relationship is a journey in itself!
One of the biggest hurdles I see these days is technology. They can be sitting right next to each other on the couch, but they’re a million miles apart, each staring at their own little screen. It’s my biggest worry, honestly—that they’re losing that precious connection time to their devices. I want to protect that bond, but I also know these games and apps are a big part of their world, and I want to respect their independence.
Something we’ve started doing at my house is having designated “device-free” time. When they first come over, we put the tablets in a basket for the first hour. It was met with a bit of grumbling at first, but now they know the drill. We’ll bake cookies or build something with LEGOs, and it gives them a chance to just be kids together without digital distractions.
On the other hand, I’m trying to learn how to use their technology for connection. My son told me they both love a particular game they can play as a team. It’s a bit noisy for my taste, but hearing them shout and laugh together while collaborating on a goal is just wonderful.
This is actually what’s pushed me to start researching parental control apps. I’ll be honest, I’m not the most tech-savvy person, and the whole idea feels a bit daunting. I haven’t used one yet, but I’m looking for something that’s simple to use. My goal isn’t to snoop, heavens no, but to help gently guide them. I think a feature that could pause all devices for a family dinner or set limits on solo-play apps while allowing team-based games would be fantastic.
Have you looked into any of those apps yourself? I’d be so grateful for any recommendations if you or anyone else has found one that’s easy for a grandparent to understand!
It’s such a balancing act, isn’t it? Fostering their sibling bond while navigating this new digital world. Thanks for bringing this up!
Warmly,
Danielle R. Newman
Hi Megan,
What a wonderful and important question! I was just reading SarahP’s great suggestion about finding shared activities, and it really got me thinking. It’s something I worry about constantly with my own grandkids. They can be sitting right next to each other on the sofa, but they’re in completely different worlds on their tablets. It breaks my heart a little to see them so close, yet so far apart.
My big goal is to help them connect, but so much of their life is online now, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m not very tech-savvy! What I’ve been trying to do is lean into their world a bit. We’ve started having “Tech Time Tours,” where they have to work together to show me one of their favorite games or a silly video they like. It gets them talking to each other and cooperating, and frankly, their laughter when I can’t figure out the controls is a joy to hear!
We also have a firm “phones in the basket” rule during dinner. It’s a simple thing, but having that dedicated time to just talk without digital distractions has been really nice.
On that note, I’ve been doing a lot of research into parental control apps. I haven’t taken the plunge and installed one yet, as I’m a bit nervous about the technology and I absolutely want to respect the children’s privacy and independence. I’m not looking to be a spy! I’m more interested in finding an app that can help us create healthy boundaries together. I imagine a feature that could limit time on solo games but maybe allow for more time on apps they use together would be wonderful for encouraging that bond.
Have you or anyone else here found an app that’s good for that sort of thing, and maybe one that isn’t too complicated for a grandparent to figure out? I would be so grateful for any ideas!
It’s a new challenge for our generation of parents and grandparents, isn’t it? Thanks for bringing this up.
Warmly,
Danielle R. Newman