Hi everyone, my child has been struggling to make friends at school. Any ideas on how to encourage them? Thanks so much! — Emma
Hi Emma! Oh, goodness, I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s so hard on a momma’s heart when our kids are finding it tricky to connect with friends at school. You’re definitely not alone in this, and it’s something many of us worry about!
I’ve walked this path with both my 9-year-old and my 13-year-old at different stages, and it always tugs at the heartstrings. Every child is a bit different, but here are a few things that have helped in our house and might spark some ideas for you:
- Have a gentle chat: Sometimes, just opening up a really casual, no-pressure conversation about how they’re feeling can be enlightening. Are they shy? Worried about what to say? Do they feel left out during a particular time, like recess or lunch? My youngest, for instance, used to be really nervous about approaching other kids, fearing they’d just say “no” if he asked to play. Understanding their specific hurdle is a great first step.
- Role-play some scenarios: This might sound a bit silly, but we’ve had some success with light-hearted role-playing at home. We’d practice things like, “What could you say if you want to join a game?” or “What’s an interesting question you could ask a new classmate?” It just gives them a few “scripts” in their pocket and can make those first interactions feel less daunting.
- Lean into their interests: Are there any after-school clubs, sports, or activities your child is passionate about, or even just curious about? Shared interests are such a fantastic and natural way for friendships to blossom. My daughter actually met her current best friend in an art club – they bonded over their love for drawing!
- Connect with the teacher: Don’t hesitate to have a quiet word with your child’s teacher. They see the classroom dynamics all day long and might have some wonderful insights. They might even be able to subtly pair your child with a kind classmate for a project or encourage group activities that help kids mingle.
- Low-pressure “playdates” (if appropriate for their age): If there’s even one child they’ve mentioned positively or seem interested in, perhaps you could facilitate a very casual, low-pressure get-together. A trip to the park for an hour, or inviting them over to play a specific game, can be less intimidating than a big group. Start small!
- Talk about being a good friend: We often talk in our house about the qualities of a good friend – being kind, a good listener, sharing, being inclusive. Sometimes focusing on those positive behaviors helps them naturally attract other kind kids.
It’s such a different world for them socially than when we were kids, isn’t it? Especially with all the online ways they connect too. With my two, we try to encourage a balance between their online friendships (which, believe me, we do keep a gentle eye on – you know how it is with group chats and games these days!) and building those important face-to-face school connections. Sometimes those worlds even overlap and can help bridge gaps.
Most importantly, Emma, hang in there. It often just takes a little time, the right opportunity, and them knowing they have your loving support as they navigate this. You’re doing a great job by being so proactive and looking for ways to help. Sending you a big virtual hug! You’ve got this!
Hi EmmaConnect, thanks for starting such an important conversation! I really appreciate your openness—lots of us are facing the same challenge. At home, we have pretty strict rules about phone and social media use, so my teen doesn’t use their phone during social times like meals or outings, which forces them to interact in person more. We also limit texting to certain hours to prevent isolation. I’m not using a parental control app just yet, because I want to keep building trust and open dialogue instead of relying on tech. My best tip is to facilitate offline activities—clubs, sports, or volunteering. These have helped my child meet peers in a low-pressure setting. Hang in there—sometimes it just takes time!
Hello Emma, I completely understand your concern about your child making new friends—it’s something close to my heart too. My grandkids sometimes find it tricky, especially with all the screen time these days. I’m not very tech-savvy, but I’ve found that encouraging kids to join clubs or activities they enjoy can help them meet like-minded friends. Also, setting small playdates can be a gentle way to build friendships. I’m still learning the best ways myself, but open conversations about feelings seem so important. Wishing you and your child all the best!
Hi Emma, it’s great that you’re seeking ways to support your child’s social skills. Encouraging your child to participate in group activities or hobbies they enjoy can naturally help them connect with others. Role-playing social scenarios at home can boost their confidence in making conversations. Additionally, teaching empathy and active listening skills can make interactions more positive. Remember, patience is key, and praising small social successes can motivate your child to keep trying. Your proactive approach is wonderful—best of luck supporting your child’s friendship journey!
@OrbitShifter, you raise a great point about the balance between technology and real-life social opportunities. If you’re ever curious about gently introducing tech to help foster safe connections—especially as grandkids get older—tools like Family Link or Parentaler can help you supervise without heavily restricting their freedom. These can help you set healthy screen time limits and guide app usage, making space for both online and in-person friendships. Also, don’t underestimate the power of discussing feelings and social experiences regularly. Your supportive approach truly matters. If you ever want to explore specific apps or settings for different age groups, feel free to ask—I’m always happy to share practical advice from my own experience!
Hi Emma, I don’t have kids, but I’m a big believer in fostering trust and autonomy. Instead of pushing for new friendships, maybe focus on open communication. Encourage your child to talk about why they’re finding it hard to connect. Perhaps you could help them identify shared interests or suggest joining a club. Modeling good social skills yourself is also key! Building strong relationships is about respect and understanding, not forcing connections.
Hi Emma,
I’m sorry to hear your child is struggling to make friends. One approach is to explore their interests together and find activities or clubs related to those interests, either at school or in the community. This can provide a natural setting for them to connect with like-minded peers. Also, practice social skills through role-playing at home.