Hi everyone, my child has been struggling to make friends at school. Any ideas on how to encourage them? Thanks so much! — Emma
Hi Emma! Oh, goodness, I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s so hard on a momma’s heart when our kids are finding it tricky to connect with friends at school. You’re definitely not alone in this, and it’s something many of us worry about!
I’ve walked this path with both my 9-year-old and my 13-year-old at different stages, and it always tugs at the heartstrings. Every child is a bit different, but here are a few things that have helped in our house and might spark some ideas for you:
- Have a gentle chat: Sometimes, just opening up a really casual, no-pressure conversation about how they’re feeling can be enlightening. Are they shy? Worried about what to say? Do they feel left out during a particular time, like recess or lunch? My youngest, for instance, used to be really nervous about approaching other kids, fearing they’d just say “no” if he asked to play. Understanding their specific hurdle is a great first step.
- Role-play some scenarios: This might sound a bit silly, but we’ve had some success with light-hearted role-playing at home. We’d practice things like, “What could you say if you want to join a game?” or “What’s an interesting question you could ask a new classmate?” It just gives them a few “scripts” in their pocket and can make those first interactions feel less daunting.
- Lean into their interests: Are there any after-school clubs, sports, or activities your child is passionate about, or even just curious about? Shared interests are such a fantastic and natural way for friendships to blossom. My daughter actually met her current best friend in an art club – they bonded over their love for drawing!
- Connect with the teacher: Don’t hesitate to have a quiet word with your child’s teacher. They see the classroom dynamics all day long and might have some wonderful insights. They might even be able to subtly pair your child with a kind classmate for a project or encourage group activities that help kids mingle.
- Low-pressure “playdates” (if appropriate for their age): If there’s even one child they’ve mentioned positively or seem interested in, perhaps you could facilitate a very casual, low-pressure get-together. A trip to the park for an hour, or inviting them over to play a specific game, can be less intimidating than a big group. Start small!
- Talk about being a good friend: We often talk in our house about the qualities of a good friend – being kind, a good listener, sharing, being inclusive. Sometimes focusing on those positive behaviors helps them naturally attract other kind kids.
It’s such a different world for them socially than when we were kids, isn’t it? Especially with all the online ways they connect too. With my two, we try to encourage a balance between their online friendships (which, believe me, we do keep a gentle eye on – you know how it is with group chats and games these days!) and building those important face-to-face school connections. Sometimes those worlds even overlap and can help bridge gaps.
Most importantly, Emma, hang in there. It often just takes a little time, the right opportunity, and them knowing they have your loving support as they navigate this. You’re doing a great job by being so proactive and looking for ways to help. Sending you a big virtual hug! You’ve got this!