Hi everyone, my kids share a room but always fight about their space. How can I help them get along better? Thanks! — Liam
Hi LiamRoomPeace, welcome to the forum! Oh, goodness, I can so relate to this. My two, 9 and 13, shared a room for a while when they were a bit younger, and “space wars” was definitely a recurring theme in our house! It’s a tough one, isn’t it? You just want them to get along, and the constant bickering over whose side of the invisible line someone crossed can be exhausting.
What really helped us was to get super specific about their individual spaces. Even if it’s a small room, can you visually divide it a bit?
- “My Zone, Your Zone”: We used a bookshelf once as a sort of soft divider, and then each kid got to decorate their side however they wanted (within reason, of course!). Different colored bedding, their own posters, a little rug – anything that made their little corner feel distinctly theirs. This seemed to help a lot because it gave them a sense of ownership and a place they could retreat to.
- Locker Mentality for Toys/Treasures: For their most precious belongings, we got them each a special box or a couple of drawers that were theirs and strictly off-limits to the other sibling without asking permission. Teaching that respect for personal property, even in a shared space, was key.
- Shared Space Rules (Made Together!): For the common areas, like the floor space or if they share a desk, we sat down with them and came up with a few simple rules together. Things like “ask before borrowing” or “clean up your own mess.” When they had a say in creating the rules, they were a bit more likely to follow them.
- Scheduled “Room Alone Time”: This might sound a bit counterintuitive, but sometimes we’d schedule short periods where one kid got the room to themselves while the other did an activity with me or Dad elsewhere in the house. It gave them a breather and a chance to just enjoy their space without having to share.
- Praise the Peace: When you do catch them playing nicely together in their room, or respecting each other’s space, make a big deal out of it! “Wow, it’s so lovely to hear you two playing so well in here!” Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
It’s a process, and there will still be bumps in the road, but setting those clear boundaries and expectations can really help. My 13-year-old now has his own small room (we finally managed a shuffle!), but the lessons they learned about respecting space and belongings definitely stuck.
Hang in there! It’s a common challenge, and you’re doing a great job by looking for ways to help them. Let us know how it goes, or if you try anything that works wonders! We’re all learning together.
Warmly,
A fellow mom of two 
Hi LiamRoomPeace,
Thanks so much for reaching out with this question. It’s a very common challenge for families when siblings share a room, and you’re certainly not alone in navigating this! In my work as a school counselor, I often see how learning to share physical space respectfully lays a really important foundation for how children learn to interact in other areas of their lives, including their future online interactions.
The core of it often comes down to fostering open communication and helping your children feel heard and respected, much like we encourage when discussing online safety and behavior. Here are a few thoughts and strategies that might be helpful:
- Hold a “Roommates Meeting”: Sit down with your children (perhaps separately at first, then together) and let each one express their feelings and frustrations about the shared space without interruption. The goal here is to understand each child’s perspective. What specifically bothers them? What would make it feel fairer or more comfortable? This act of listening is crucial for building trust.
- Define Personal Zones: Even in a shared room, see if you can create clearly defined personal spaces for each child. This could be their bed, a particular shelf, a desk, or even a designated corner. Allowing them to personalize these small zones can give them a sense of ownership and control. This is a bit like helping them understand their personal “space” online and what they have a right to control there.
- Establish Clear Rules Together: Involve your children in creating a set of “Room Rules.” What are the expectations for tidiness in personal vs. shared areas? What are the rules about borrowing belongings? When is it okay to have friends over in the room? When they have a hand in creating the rules, they’re often more invested in following them. This mirrors setting clear expectations for technology use.
- Teach Compromise and Negotiation: Sharing space inevitably means compromise. Guide them through scenarios. For example, if one wants quiet time for reading while the other wants to play, how can they negotiate a schedule or a solution that respects both needs? These are vital life skills.
- Focus on Respect for Belongings and Privacy: Emphasize that even though the room is shared, personal belongings and a certain degree of privacy (like not reading a sibling’s diary or, in the digital world, their messages) must be respected.
- Problem-Solve, Don’t Just Punish: When conflicts arise, try to guide them through a problem-solving process rather than immediately stepping in as the judge. Ask questions like, “What happened?” “How did that make you feel?” “What could you do differently next time?” “What do you need from your sibling to make this right?”
- Acknowledge Positive Behavior: When you see them sharing well, respecting each other’s space, or resolving a conflict peacefully, be sure to praise them for it! Positive reinforcement can go a long way.
Think of this as teaching them essential skills for coexisting respectfully, which are just as important in the physical world as they are in the digital one. When children learn to communicate their needs, respect boundaries, and resolve conflicts constructively in their shared bedroom, they are building a strong foundation for navigating all sorts of relationships and environments.
It takes time and patience, LiamRoomPeace, but fostering these skills will serve them well. Let us know how it goes!
Warmly,
Deborah McGrane
School Counselor
Oh, Liam, that is the age-old question, isn’t it? My heart goes out to you. I remember my own children doing the exact same thing. It feels like just yesterday I was trying to mediate a fight over whose side of the room was whose!
Your question really got me thinking, Liam. This whole idea of sharing space respectfully is something I’ve been worrying about a lot lately, but in a different way. It’s made me think about how my grandkids, Chloe and Sam, are learning to share their digital spaces. It’s like a whole new, invisible room they share with friends and strangers, and frankly, it keeps me up at night.
I’m not very tech-savvy, I’ll be the first to admit it. I can barely work the television remote some days! But I’m determined to learn so I can help guide them. It’s such a tricky balance, wanting to protect them from all the scary things out there but also needing to trust them and give them their independence.
One thing my husband and I have found helpful is simply talking. We have a rule: no phones at the dinner table. It forces us all to connect and chat about our day. Sometimes I’ll ask them what games they’re playing or what funny videos they saw, and it opens up a conversation about being kind and respectful online, just like we expect them to be with each other in their shared bedroom.
This has also led me to start researching parental control apps. I haven’t picked one yet—I’m a bit overwhelmed by all the choices! Have you or anyone else here had any luck with them? I’m looking for something simple, really. I think a feature that could help set time limits would be wonderful, so they learn to put the screen down and do other things. I’m also interested in something that could maybe filter out inappropriate websites. I worry less about them seeking things out and more about them stumbling across something accidentally.
If anyone has recommendations for an app that’s easy for a grandparent to use, I would be so grateful to hear about it!
It’s a tough world to navigate, Liam, both in the bedroom and online. It sounds like you’re a wonderful parent for being so thoughtful about it.
All the best,
Danielle R. Newman
Hi Liam,
Oh, what a classic challenge! I can remember my own children arguing over whose toys crossed the “invisible line” in their room. It’s a tough situation, and it’s wonderful that you’re looking for ways to help them build that respect for each other.
With my kids, we found that creating very clear, visual boundaries helped a lot. Sometimes we’d use a colorful rug to define one child’s area, or we even put a line of masking tape down the middle of the room for a week as a bit of a joke, but it actually worked! It gave them a tangible sense of “my space,” “your space,” and “our space” (like the doorway).
It’s funny you bring this up, because this whole issue of sharing space reminds me of the new frontier my grandkids are navigating: digital space. It’s one of my biggest worries, trying to make sure they’re safe online while also giving them the independence to grow. I’m not very tech-savvy, I must admit, but I’m doing my best to learn.
The arguments they have over sharing the family tablet sound so much like the old bedroom squabbles! This has led me to start researching parental control apps. I haven’t tried any yet, but I’m looking for one that’s simple to use. Ideally, I’d love something that could help me set different time limits for each grandchild on a shared device, or maybe filter out websites that aren’t age-appropriate. If anyone has recommendations, I’m all ears!
For now, though, we’re leaning heavily on what worked for the physical room: clear rules and open conversations. We have family “tech talks” about being kind online and respecting screen time limits, much like you’d have a talk about keeping your side of the room tidy.
I hope you find a solution that brings some peace to your home, Liam. It’s all about teaching those valuable lessons in boundaries and respect, whether with a bookshelf or a web browser.
Warmly,
Danielle R. Newman
Hey Liam, thanks for starting this discussion—shared rooms can be a real battleground! I really liked the ideas from earlier posts, especially about creating clear boundaries and routines. In our house, we had similar problems. One thing that worked was making a “phone-free zone” during certain hours so my teen couldn’t retreat into her device to avoid confrontation. We also set rules: each kid gets to decorate their half, and personal stuff must be respected.
I’m still considering a parental control app, but for now, we’re focusing on open conversations and clear expectations. Encouraging your kids to express what bugs them (and actually listening) makes a big difference! Anyone got other tricks up their sleeve?
Hello Liam, I completely understand your concern about your kids sharing a room. It’s wonderful you want to help them get along better! I’ve found that setting clear boundaries and having regular family talks about respecting each other’s space can really help. I’m not very tech-savvy, but I also try to encourage them to take turns with screen time to avoid conflicts. Hope this helps, and I’m eager to hear what others suggest too!