Hi parents, cyberbullying is a growing concern. How do you talk to your kids about handling it and staying safe while online? Appreciate your advice! Thanks! — John
Hi John, great question! Cyberbullying is definitely a tough one, and it’s something I worry about constantly as a single mom. It’s so important to equip our kids with the tools they need to navigate the online world safely and with confidence.
Honestly, it’s a juggling act, isn’t it? Trying to keep tabs on what my kids are doing online while also working, running the house, and just, you know, being a parent. I’ve found that open communication is key. We talk a lot about what’s okay to share online, what’s not, and how to recognize when something feels wrong. I try to create a safe space where my kids feel comfortable coming to me if they’re feeling targeted or uncomfortable.
I also find that setting clear rules and boundaries is essential. We have specific times for screen use, and we have certain websites and apps that are off-limits. It’s a constant conversation, really, because things change so fast!
To help me keep up with everything, I use a parental control app. It gives me a little peace of mind because I can see what my kids are doing online, and I can block certain sites or apps if needed. It’s not about spying, but more about creating a safety net and being aware.
I’d love to hear what other parents are doing. What works for you?
Hi JohnCyberCoach, that’s an excellent and crucial question for every parent in the digital age.
Building trust and open communication is the foundation. It’s vital to teach kids to never engage with bullies, to save evidence, and to always tell a trusted adult. However, we know kids don’t always share everything, especially when they feel scared or embarrassed. This is where a reliable monitoring tool can be an invaluable safety net. I’ve found that mSpy is the most comprehensive solution. It allows you to monitor social media chats and text messages, and even set up keyword alerts for specific derogatory terms. If a bullying situation arises, you can see the conversations and get notified proactively, giving you the chance to intervene early.
It provides the oversight needed to ensure they’re truly safe online, complementing the important conversations you’re having at home.
Hi John, thanks for starting this discussion. It’s a big one in our house, that’s for sure. With a 15-year-old, a 10-year-old, AND a 6-year-old, I feel like I’m fighting a three-front war against what’s lurking online.
Honestly, my first instinct years ago was to look into all those parental control apps. They promise the world, right? They’ll monitor chats, flag bullying, keep your kids safe from every imaginable danger. But then you download them and realize every single feature that might actually be useful is locked behind a premium subscription. I just can’t bring myself to pay $10 or $15 a month per kid for something I’m not even convinced works. My oldest could probably figure out a workaround in an afternoon if he really wanted to.
So, we’ve had to get a bit more creative and, well, cheaper.
For us, it’s less about surveillance and more about conversation. Our biggest rule is: “Block, Screenshot, and Tell.” We’ve drilled this into the older two. Don’t engage with the bully, don’t reply, just block them. Then, take a screenshot of the mean comment and bring it to me or their dad. The most important part of this deal is that we promise not to freak out and immediately take their device away. The moment you do that, they stop telling you things.
With my 6-year-old, it’s simpler. We talk about “Uh-Oh feelings.” If anything on his tablet—a video, a message in a game—gives him that yucky, “uh-oh” feeling in his tummy, his only job is to close the tablet and come find a grown-up. No questions asked, no trouble.
I’m not saying it’s a perfect system, and I still do the occasional “Hey, let me see what you’re up to” spot-check. But it feels more realistic than trusting an app to do the parenting for me.
I’m curious to hear what others think, though. Has anyone actually shelled out for those premium apps and found they were worth the money for preventing bullying? Or am I right to be skeptical?
Best,
Barbara
Hi John,
Thank you so much for starting this incredibly important conversation. As a school counselor, this is a topic that comes up frequently with both students and their parents, and fostering resilience in our kids is key.
The foundation of all digital safety is open communication and trust. Before we even get to specific strategies or tools, the most powerful thing you can do is create a family environment where your child knows they can come to you with anything without fear of judgment or punishment. I often tell parents that the biggest hurdle for kids who are being bullied online is the fear that if they tell their parents, they’ll lose their phone or computer access.
Here are a few practical ways to build that foundation and talk about handling cyberbullying:
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Start Early and Be Proactive: Don’t wait for an incident to happen. Begin talking about online kindness and what to do if someone is unkind as soon as they start interacting online. Frame it as part of being a good friend and a responsible person, both online and off.
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Define It Together: Ask them what they think cyberbullying is. You can give them examples: “It could be someone leaving mean comments on your posts, sharing an embarrassing photo of you, spreading rumors in a group chat, or intentionally leaving you out of an online group to be hurtful.”
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Establish a “No-Blame” Family Pact: This is crucial. Explicitly tell your child, “You will never get in trouble for telling me about something that made you feel scared, uncomfortable, or sad online. We are a team, and my job is to help you.” Reassure them that the goal is to solve the problem, not to take away their device.
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Teach the “Stop, Block, and Tell” Method:
- STOP: Don’t reply or retaliate. Engaging with a bully often fuels the fire.
- BLOCK: Block the person who is cyberbullying. Show your child how to do this on the apps and platforms they use.
- TELL: Tell a trusted adult. Emphasize that this isn’t “tattling”; it’s getting help for a serious problem. It’s also wise to teach them to take a screenshot to save as evidence before they block someone.
When it comes to parental control apps, I encourage parents to think of them not as a form of surveillance, but as a support tool—like digital training wheels. They can be incredibly helpful, especially for younger kids who are still developing their judgment.
Instead of focusing on a specific brand, look for features that support your family’s safety goals. For example, some apps can monitor for keywords related to bullying, self-harm, or other dangers and send you an alert. This can be a safety net that allows you to start a conversation (“I got an alert that mentioned this word, can we talk about what’s going on?”) rather than reading every single message. Many also allow you to manage screen time and filter inappropriate content, which helps create a healthier digital environment overall.
I know many parents worry that using these apps will erode trust. That’s a valid concern. The key is transparency. These tools are most effective when your child knows they are in place and understands why—because you love them and want to help them stay safe while they learn to navigate the digital world. It’s not about spying; it’s about guiding.
Ultimately, our goal is to raise kids who are not only resilient to negative behavior but who also contribute positively to their online communities. It’s a continuous conversation, and it’s wonderful that you’re taking these proactive steps.
Looking forward to hearing what has worked for other families here.
Best,
Deborah McGrane
School Counselor
JohnCyberCoach, thanks for raising such an important topic—cyberbullying is so tough for both kids and parents. I really like your proactive approach. In our house, we have a rule that no device goes to bed with my teen, and we have regular check-ins about what’s happening online. I encourage my kid to come to me or another trusted adult if they’re hurt or see something troubling, stressing that it’s always safe to talk about.
I haven’t used a parental control app yet because I want to build trust, but I’m considering it as things get trickier. My tip: keep the conversation open, let them know they’re not alone, and model kindness yourself. We’re all learning together!
Hello John, thank you for bringing up such an important topic! As a grandparent, I worry a lot about my grandkids facing cyberbullying. I’m not very tech-savvy, but I believe having open, honest conversations with them about what to do if they feel uncomfortable online is key. I also try to encourage them to come to me anytime something seems wrong. Does anyone have simple ways to teach kids to stand up to cyberbullies without escalating the situation?